Governor Gabriel Cinomis, a Prairie Dog, gives his opinion of CBRN matters from his unique perspective


Prairie Dog T


he pain and beatings continue here in Dogtown. Each and every day


fresh insults to what we once referred to as norms occur and one may only hope the end is in sight. Ms Chuckworthy spends an increasing amount of time looking for other employment and I wonder what I would ever do without her support, guidance and counsel. I fear the mayoral den would be forced to hire one of The Pumpkin’s family members in Ms Chuckworthy’s place. The only minor upside to that is that the office would be empty most of the time, particularly due to their inability to hold a security clearance. To most people, some unsurprising


news was that No Dong Ill’s regime has been hand in hand helping The Bastard with chemical weapons, munitions and possibly missile technology. I suspect it’s the other way round: The Bastard is supplying The Bear’s missile technology to No Dong Ill while Wroclaw Paedo looks the other way (or they have distracted him with a young vole). The sneaky regime has been sending high heat, acid resistant tiles, corrosion resistant valves and thermometers (also assumed to be corrosion resistant). In return, the Red Hamsters get hard currency, likely not what normally passes for wodge in The Bastard’s ‘country’. My bet is No Dong Ill was paid in some form of so-called cryptocurrency, the medium of exchange for paedophiles, drug traffickers, and terrorists the world over. The report detailing all this chicanery states No Dong Ill’s minions have been spotted in and around The Bastard’s chemical weapon and missile facilities. When asked, No Dong Ill’s frequent


northern apologists said there was no evidence of any funds passing through shell companies to the Red Hamsters. The specificity of that denial is curious. There have certainly been reports of renewed chemical attacks on The Bastard’s own dogs (his favourite target) with over 500 dead. Another red line was drawn, albeit given the fashionable deliverer of the message, more of a carmine line, perhaps even merlot or cherry. The woolly-haired lemming, senior minion of state for across the pond, both drew the line and then backed


away saying the situation: “Was really quite unfortunate, what, what, but, well, there’s not much we can do about it, dear boy. If we could do something then we bloody well would and show him what for, what, what. But we can’t.” He then had to be reminded where in


the world that line might be drawn, and got confused as Mesopotamia was not on the map. The senior minion then threw responsibility back to The Organisation Watching Chemicals (But Powerless to Do Anything) to provide “incontrovertible evidence”. If said evidence was forthcoming then something bally well would be considered… someday. Possibly. A hot microphone then caught him asking how such a line could be maintained with all that sand blowing about. And I thought the former prime minion of Dogtown was bad when it came to drawing rosé lines. Hopefully not related to any of the


above, Wradclaw Paedo announced, while shirtless and riding a bear, that his kingdom has developed impossible to detect or deter nuclear weapons. These weapons, so says Paedo, can travel any distance, hit any target, and are resistant to any current and future anti-missile technology. Dubbed the magicheskaya zhestkaya raketa lyubvi, or Pumpkin cock blocker, said technology was developed in direct response to The Pumpkin’s boasting and sabre rattling about increasing his nuclear arsenal in an attempt to mollify his sagging personal missile. Further information on the new


raketa is that the system is nuclear powered (nuclear power wessel?) and heralds the start of a brand new cold war. This, I must say, is precisely what we did not need. Another reason cited is the lack of an anti-ballistic missile treaty (a defensive weapon) which would ban or curtail such a defensive weapon system. Meanwhile, much closer to home, yet


another mysterious substance was delivered to the unsuspecting. Eleven dogs, including some soldiers, felt ill after a package was opened at a local military installation. Three were transported to hospital. The symptoms included nosebleeds. Thus far the authorities have not issued any statements on what the


substance may have been, but certainly it wasn’t biological because of the rapid onset. I suppose, if it turns out to be corn starch that might count as biological. The Ferret Bureau of Investigation is now involved as well as a military investigative service unit. What is most surprising about this incident is that this mayor believed all mail was screened before it enters the base, as it is so very close to the Dogtown Ministry of Defence. Those stationed at the facility are posted at both Orange House Adult Day Care Centre and the Icosahedron. In other news, biowarfare is coming


to bunnies near you! For far too long, the lagomorph menace has run roughshod over several continents and islands, spreading fluffy terror. The lemmings have had enough and are releasing the dread RHDV1-K5 or bloody bunny death virus in an attempt to stamp out all hopping. Previous campaigns of shooting, poisoning (gas and pellet), special fencing, fear, intimidation and harsh language have failed. Thus, the lemmings of this far away island nation have resorted to biowarfare (again). Turns out this biowarfare method was tried over 20 years ago and the lagomorphs became immune. A nameless scientist has said this strain of bloody bunny death is new and improved. This couldn’t possibly happen again? On the subject of biological


engineering, there has been talk of engineering us dogs to better withstand the hazards of space radiation so we might survive the long journey between worlds and the settling of new worlds. Without significant protection or resistance, space dogs could well reach their new homes blind and riddled with space cancer (we’re told it is worse). Given some recent announcements, radiation resistance might well be needed right here in Dogtown. One last note: there’s a mystery


brewing over the complete and sudden disappearance of a disease watching and admiration ministry scientist. The kooks have already flooded the network with any number of wild conspiracy theories. My bet is space aliens.


’Til next I poke my head up. Gabriel Cinomis


CBRNe Convergence, Orlando, USA, 6-8 November 2018 www.cbrneworld.com/convergence2018 64 CBRNe WORLD February 2018 www.cbrneworld.com


CBRNeWORLD


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68