PARENT PAGES CHILDREN TO TALK GETTING YOUR


How many of you have tried to ask your children about their day, only to get a frustrating “ok”, “good” or even just “meh”.


On the one hand, your growing child is developing their autonomy and this right to different parts of his or her life mean that you can’t know absolutely everything. But you also want an open communication so that they can bring anything to you.


So, how to make them talk without forcing or rushing them?


It is human nature to want to share our experiences. Perhaps you sit down at the end of the day and talk to a partner, relative or friend. With children we need to be more careful about what we share – but nevertheless sharing a few words about our day can encourage children to share in return.


“Today I met a friend for a coffee. It was really nice to see her. What about you, your new classmate is he nice? Did you play with him at school?”


Be specific As adults we can organise our thoughts chronologically or thematically even across long periods of time. But children can’t. Asking a precise question about a topic or time of day will help.


Use their imagination You could also play imaginary perfect world – in this case their dream school. “If you could choose who was in your class, who would


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you choose? Who would you sit next to?”


You have a goal Remember that this is less about getting a detailed timeline of the day’s events. You want to know if your child feels at ease, if they eat well and have friends. So focus on listening and sharing their desires, pain and experience.


Your reactions However the conversation develops, keep calm and listen. If you have a strong reaction to something your child says, this may break the conversation. Save any advice, warnings or lessons for another time.


Active listening This is the perfect time to make your child feel listened to, recognised and understood. Active listening means recognising the


feelings, emotions and experiences being discussed. Try to express what you understand of the situation with your own words. Phrases such as “I understand” or “You must be happy/sad/angry about that”.


By doing so, your child learns to value his feelings. Ultimately this is how they will learn to deal with issues themselves.


Aude Mouton trained in one of the best school in France to be a psychologist. Today she is the head of a


company specialising in assessment and therapy for children with learning difficulties. She writes regularly for French magazines about mental health. Aude also has two young children and lives in Wimbledon. Aude can be contacted at audemouton@cogitoz.com


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