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DELMER & CECIL


Morning at the Barber Shop


DELMER AND CECIL


“Gidday, Harold. How’s she goin?” “Not bad, Gavin, my haemorrhoids are actin up again. Hey, what’s the difference between haemorrhoids and piles anyway? My brother in law has piles, and they seem to be similar.” “It’s haemorrhoids for the haristocracy and piles for the poor. Didn’t you know that?”


“I wonder if that writer guy Earnest Haemorrhoids had ‘em or if that was his name?”


“I think it was his name, I think he was Hungarian or sumthin’. He wrote that story about that fella and a


fish, I believe.”


“I saw the movie once, most borin’ thing I ever saw. Most of the time he was in a boat and ended up talkin’ to a fish.”


“Sounds like he was two tomatoes short of a thick sauce.” “Oh I dunno, Darryl Cloutier’s wife, Beryl, would be like livin’ with a big wet fish.”


“Better not let Darryl hear ya say that.”


“It was him that told me.” “They say she wasn’t bad lookin’, back in school.”


“After eight quarts and a moonless night, maybe.”


“Did you know her back then?” “Yeah, I knew her. My uncle’s farm was beside her family’s farm, and we used to hay together. One day she up and tripped and something ripped and I got ta know her real well.”


“Ah, the good old days.” “Hey, here’s Jim. Gidday Jim!” “Gidday, lads, what’s new, what’s shakin’, what’s goin’ on?” “Nuthin.”


“Did ya see in the paper that the guvvie gave out more money on welfare than ever before?” “Yeah, and did ya notice there’s a sign in the park that says ‘Don’t feed the animals’? That’s ‘cause the animals get used to being fed and can’t fend for themselves.” “Makes ya think.” “What’s with them beheadings in the Middle East?”


“Remember they found a body 46 BOUNDER MAGAZINE www.bounder.ca


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