Last word
Email your opinions to
editorial@barkerbrooks.co.uk
Afternoon Tea atNo. 10 (A Winter's Play)
Te scene The library at No. 10 Downing Street. A fire is roaring and
the lighting is dimmed. Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven is playing in the background on an old record player.
Cast of characters David Cameron: PM, ex-Bullingdon Boy, and Vote Buyer
Failing Grayling: Supposed Justice Minister who has never held down a real job
Andrew Twambley is managing partner of Amelans and injurylawyers4u. He is also Claims Magazine’s resident columnist
Larry Te Cat: The real powerhouse in Downing Street (mouse catcher).
Te setting The scene opens with David Cameron sitting on his throne wearing a gold lame smoking jacket. Larry is on his lap. There is a
knock at the door.
DC: Enter subject and state your purpose The door opens and in comes Failing Grayling bowing and looking at the floor. FG: Good day, Your Majesty, how may I serve you best today (he is sweating and looks apprehensive).
DC: Ah Grayling, I have been looking at your recent performance and am not impressed to say the least. You seem to be…looking after the people! FG: But…but…Master, I am only acting at your behest.
DC: You are supposed to be sucking up to the big insurers and making sure they contribute millions to our otherwise doomed election campaign. BUT, I see you have failed to raise the Small Claims Limit and done another U-turn, this time on that messo…meeso, miso…lungy portal thing. The insurers are well mad! Are you going soft on me?
FG: No Your Worship, there was absolutely no credible evidence in favour of raising the small claims limit and the lungy thing, well, that was so against the interests of those suffering, I…
DC stands up and is frothing at the mouth and turning purple. Larry is thrown to the floor.
DC: (shouting) When, has that had any bearing on how we act? Do you not like your moat, your duck-house and your newly refurbished Osborne and Little designed office suite? FG: (falling at DC’s feet ) But, My Leader…
DC: Don’t but but me , you little bald slime, go and issue a statement that small claims is NOT off the agenda and that them wheezers are going to be treated like all the other proles out there. We need funds. End of. FG: (Cowering) Yes , oh magnificent one, I will get right on it…
DC: And one last thing. Imagine you're at The Job Centre. What are you qualified to do? What real experience do you have, apart from licking off your golden spoon? Now get out!
FG: (Walking backwards bending at the waist) Yes master. FG leaves the room, DC sits back down, Larry jumps back on DC’s lap. Larry: Who the @@@@ was that worm?
DC: Don’t ask. Some maggot I put in charge of the Justice System, to ensure we receive a huge wad in time for the next election Larry sees a mouse and pounces off DC’s lap.
Lights darken to rapturous applause… @twambley_a
58 /Claims Magazine/Issue 11
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60