left her feeling unhappy, so instead of reciting her habitual, “No” to anything extraneous—like parties, eating chocolate chip cookies or spending a lazy afternoon chatting with an old friend—she decided to change that habit to, “Yes.” One of Rhimes’ most profound
revelations occurred after she responded positively when her children asked her to play. She observes that kids don’t want that much from us and playtime rarely involves more than 15 minutes; when we give them access and attention, it makes everyone feel good. Rubin agrees that it’s the little things that can contribute to family happiness. As a New York City mother of two, she decided that she’d be happier if she knew she was creating family memories. She started regularly preparing “special occasion” family breakfasts, a relatively easy meal to customize. She says, “Studies show that family traditions support children’s social development and strengthen family cohesiveness. They provide the connection and predictability that people crave. I know that I enjoy a holiday more when I know exactly what we’re going to do and when we’re going to do it.” Home for Matthieu Ricard, a
biochemist turned Buddhist monk, could
be a Nepalese monastery or a seat at scientifi c conferences around the world. As the author of Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life’s Most Important Skill, he defi nes happiness as a deep sense of fl ourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind. “It’s not a mere pleasurable feeling, a fl eeting emotion or a mood, but an optimal state of being,” he says.
In order to nurture it, Ricard recommends taking some time each day for quiet refl ection, noting, “The contemplative approach consists of rising above the whirlpool of our thoughts for a moment and looking calmly within, as if at an interior landscape, to fi nd the embodiment of our deepest aspirations.” By cultivating attention and mindfulness, the cares of everyday life become less burdensome. Such a spiritual practice of just sitting quietly for 10 minutes a day, observing the thoughts that randomly cross our minds, and then gently shooing them away, can be enormously benefi cial, he says, as it helps us put things in perspective and aim for continuous calm.
Flipping the Switch Changing thought habits to focus on the good things in life is an approach
that works for clients of Mary Lynn Ziemer, a life coach in Estero, Florida. Ziemer suggests we “fl ip the switch” from negative thinking and make a habit of starting our day being positive and grateful for 10 minutes. She recommends we start by doing deep breathing—four seconds breathing in, hold for seven seconds, eight seconds breathing out—repeated four times. Next, we ask ourselves how we feel in the moment and identify the emotion, and then ask what thoughts we can think to feel better. The last step of the exercise is to frame a positive outlook in an affi rmation, such as, “I am so grateful that I know I am doing the best I can and everything will work out. Everything is fi ne.” Ziemer adds, “Remember that happiness comes from love and takes you to a place of peace and calm. It is such emotions that beget success in relationships, health, supply, and clear purpose. Plus, it benefi ts everyone around you.”
Happiness Habits at Work Dallas happiness researcher Shawn Achor, founder of Goodthink, Inc., and author of The Happiness Advantage, applies the science of happiness to the workplace. His research echoes the personal positivity of
10 HABITS OF THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE by Kristi Ling
H
appy people don’t fi nd happiness like you’d fi nd a penny on the ground; they make it happen, with action. Cultivating happiness habits can make a marked difference in your life.
Be deliberately optimistic. Optimism is imperative to emotional wellness.
Prioritize mindfully. Consistently align choices, intentions and actions with the top priorities of love, happiness and health.
Keep uplifting resources on hand. A few surefi re mood-lifters may include a green smoothie, mani-pedi and solo dance party to at least one get-your-feet- moving song by a favorite artist.
Put yourself fi rst. It’s the best way to bring your A game to everyone else.
Be a prolifi c seeker. Seek beauty, joy, adventure, pleasure, growth and
powerful meaning in all areas of life. Let life move you to possibility, opportunity and gratitude.
Don’t make things personal. Absolutely nothing others say or do is about you, ever.
Examine the worst that can happen. Many of the limitations you’re placing on yourself aren’t real—they’re illusions.
Practice loving-kindness. Making this a habit changes the vibration of your life and the lives of those around you. Plus it feels great.
Be aware of your energy. Tune in to surrounding energy, as well as the energy you’re emitting and notice what needs to be adjusted or abandoned.
Be wary of media consumption. Limit messages in everything from email and news to books and music that take you away from the calm, open space within that revels in joy and wonder. Conversations count, too.
Kristi Ling is the author of Operation Happiness: The 3-Step Plan to Creating a Life of Lasting Joy, Abundant Energy, and Radical Bliss. The life and business coach shares more at
KristiLing.com/ operationhappinessresources.
June 2016 23
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