Flourishing Families Marriage: A Team of Two


By Dave McVety


I’ve done team-building exercises for years with both youth and adults of all ages. Te results of accomplishing either physical or mental chal- lenges as a team are pretty incredible. Partici- pants of team building usually walk away with a feeling of connection and an unspoken and innate conviction that fellow team members will have valid contributions and that they will put the overall goal before any personality or opinion differences that might exist. Some time ago my wife and I spent six


grueling hours doing something called the TOUGH MUDDER® challenge (toughmudder.com). You may have heard of it: 19 km and 19+ obstacles to team-up and wrestle through to complete. Here are five lessons I learned about marriage


through the experience: 1


Carry each other. Melissa has a bad knee. It has been working fine all year in her training, but for some reason it seized on this particular day — and we weren’t quite halfway through. Melissa needed help. She needed me to carry her through portions of the course and hold her hand through oth- ers. Teams work together. Te same applies in marriage whether holding each other’s hand uphill or carrying one another through the mud pits of life — we can’t do it alone.


2


Listen to each other. Melissa wanted to keep going in spite of the excruciating pain she was in. We debated and worked through the options together. We had to come to an agreement on whether or not continuing was a good idea. We both had to agree; otherwise, I could have become bitter having to help her. I had to be sensitive to her need to finish the race, even if it meant seeing her in pain and slowing us down. I had to acknowledge her most important needs. Likewise she had to listen to me and my concerns for her. Tere were elements/ obstacles she had to bypass and she listened to my input to do so. Te same applies to marriage — don’t assume that what might be best for you is best for your spouse.


Listen to her or his heart and longing in order to make appropriate decisions together.


3


Keep pace together. Our team was made up of 11 individuals — and each of us was conditioned differently. Te TOUGH MUDDER challenge is all about making it through as a team, for this reason we stuck together. Finding an appropriate pace can be difficult, but listening to the limitations of some and to the abilities of others mattered. If we didn’t all make it, the purpose wasn’t completed anyway. At times in marriage, one person may be ready to move on or make a big decision, but the other one isn’t. Keep pace together, whether it’s through grieving a loved one or buying a new car; find a way to meet in the middle.


4 5


Encourage each other. In this challenge there were points where some teammates, including Melissa, felt like giving up. Words of encouragement helped everyone take one step at a time, even in their most discouraging moments. In our marriages there are times just like this. Encourage each other to simply take the next step.


Face obstacles together. Scaling 12-foot walls isn’t easy. At some points along the way, Melissa had to stand on my shoulders. I would then liſt her by standing up until she could reach the top lip of the wall she was scaling. At another point she led the way through a dark tunnel and called back to warn me of boulders and rocks that I should avoid. Pulling each other up and talking each other through obstacles is a reality and opportunity in marriage. Choose to face each challenge together as a team. Te greatest blessing of being married is that you don’t


have to face anything alone. You are part of the “one flesh” team. You have a balancing personality and perspective to run things by; to control the pace; and to encourage one another through the hard times. A team has differences, but those differences make the team stronger, even if we don’t always understand them. Remember the blessing it is to be married and to stand


together. Maybe even try doing a physically-based team activity to learn new and amazing things about each other. Your marriage is worth the effort!


davemcvety.com doingfamilyright.com


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