FRIDAY THE 13th veteran Kane Hodder stars as an invulnerable swamp ghost named Victor in HATCHET.
HATCHET
2006, Starz Home Entertainment/ Anchor Bay Entertainment, DD-5.0 & 2.0/MA/16:9/LB/CC/+, $26.97, 83m 51s, DVD-1 By Kim Newman
Wittily tagged (“It’s not a re- make. It’s not a sequel. And it’s not based on a Japanese one.”), this is a sloppy, mostly engaging, good-humored essay in teens-get- splatted horror. It may not be a remake or a sequel, but is a great- est hits package of ’80s-style dis- posable schlock, showcasing rubber-ripping gore effects from John Carl Buechler (returning to effects work and loon cameo per- formances after a varied directing career) and studded with fan-pleas- ing cameos from franchise escap- ees. Robert Englund and BLAIR WITCH’s Joshua Leonard “get got” before the credits, CANDY- MAN’s Tony Todd has a funny bit as a voodoo tour guide (purport- edly a central role in the as-yet- unannounced HATCHET 2) and
sometimes Jason Voorhees Kane Hodder is afforded a full superstar monster/actor/stunt coordinator workout. After the first guests are killed
in the bayou, the film opens with footage of pre-Katrina New Or- leans Halloween partying, with maybe a few too many show- us-your-tits shots (apart from anything else, these flashes un- dermine some funnier topless material which comes later). Gawky, just-dumped nice guy Ben (Joel David Moore) and his tagalong black pal Marcus (Deon Richmond) leave the drinking and puking crowds to take a “haunted swamp” tour guided by an inept faker (Parry Shen). On the rick- ety boat are a sulky woman of mystery (Tamara Feldman), ste- reotype older tourists (Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo) and really really dim softcore starlets Misty and Jenna (Mercedes McNab, Joleigh Fioreavanti) who are be- ing camcordered for BAYOU BEA- VERS by a fake producer (Joel
Murray). The backstory involves Victor Crowley (Hodder), a swamp-dwelling freak who took a fatal hatchet to the face while his father (also Hodder) was try- ing to rescue him from a fire set by Halloween pranksters. Now a stereotypic Jason figure, Victor’s physical, unkillable ghost lingers and assuages its grief by ripping, rending, hacking, slashing and tearing to pieces everyone who trespasses. There aren’t many plot developments, but the char- acters get mostly funny riffs be- fore they die—McNab and Fioreavanti are especially hilari- ous as the squabbling dolts try- ing to do lesbo-gropes for the prurient producer, and outdoing each other’s stupidity (Misty in- sists that “the cops” and “the police” are different agencies). Writer-director Adam Green is so aware of his deployment of stereotypes that HATCHET can hardly be called offensive; every- one is equally abused (someone even calls the plucky heroine “a
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