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I remember seeing kids that were scared stiff of playing a game on a Sunday morning for the boys club in case they made a mistake and their Dad would have a go at them


Michael: They constantly had their parents over their heads interfering. Whether they wanted them to or not, there was a constant thing there, they weren’t on their own. At some point you’ve got to grow up and do it on your own especially as you get to 15, 16, 17, or even earlier to be honest. When you’re younger the parents have to be at a parents meeting and certain things like that, but then you’ve got to let them find their own way as well, let them grow up.


If they’re over pampered when they’re young then when it comes to it, when they get to that age where they’ve got to step out and play on their own, then they struggle. That’s what I find to be honest. They don’t know how to handle being on their own, how to take criticism or when they’re out there to be shot at they can’t handle it because they’ve always had their Mum and Dad on the side doing everything for them.


Michael: If I’ve had a shocking game, I know I’ve had a shocking game. Dad might give me a text being a little positive or something like, ‘You know obviously you got the result.’ But then even if I’ve had a great game, the best ever he’ll say, ‘Oh well played son, or that was a good result,’ or ‘You’ve done well there,’ it wouldn’t be the case of extreme’s where the world’s going to end one day or the next it’s the best thing ever. That’s how I am as well.


If they’re over pampered when they’re young then when it comes to it, when they get to that age where they’ve got to step out and play on their own, then they struggle


Michael: No he’s not, he’s never really sat us down and he’s never ever had a go at us about a game or anything.


8


Rant and rave


On weekend mornings on touchlines all across England, parental involvement in football is often all too obvious. Some parents try to live out their past career or lack of one or even present insecurities through their children. How often do we see parental over-involvement in the child’s activities, almost to the point where the child rarely seems to have an opportunity to make a decision either on or off the pitch?


By constantly trying to make the decisions and solve all the problems for players these coaches and parents are in fact dis-empowering them in favour of short- term solutions with short-term rewards. Through dis- empowerment the players never learn to become self- reliant or trust themselves – because the coaches and parents obviously do not trust them. Therefore they find it more difficult to make the right decisions and solve their own problems both on and off the field. This is a major issue for player development as football from the grassroots up to the World Cup Final is a decision- making, problem solving game.


Research shows how parental involvement can range from under involvement to over involvement. Parents who are under involved do not give much emotional, financial, or time commitment. Parents who are overinvolved often give these three things but do so in a controlling authoritarian way and often expect something back in return.


Research consistently shows that supportive parental actions are associated with positive outcomes including intrinsic motivation, well-being, resilience and better achievement, whereas controlling parental actions are associated with negative outcomes like anxiety, aggression, extrinsic motivation, and dropout. Parents who are over involved emphasise winning, become angry if their children do not play well, and constantly coach from the side-lines. These parents tie their own esteem to the performance of their children and can create a negative sport experience for the child, which often leads to dropout in adolescence. This is true in many sports, not just football.


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