9 Coping with Adversity
Lynn: ’When he moved away into digs, his football started to suffer. He wasn’t doing so well, and he came home and he didn’t look too good. And somebody asked, ‘Is your Michael alright?’ and I replied, ‘I don’t think so, there’s something not right, I don’t know what it is.’ But we’d picked up on it. He went away in July and this was the February time. And he was living in a house with three lads and this couple looking after him. The house was immaculate. But when something’s too perfect sometimes you think…
So I asked Michael, ‘Is there anything wrong?’ and he said no at first, but then he started talking, ‘… you know we have loads of food in the house, but the lads aren’t allowed to eat it…’ And Michael and Graeme weren’t greedy, I could just leave food. I didn’t have to say you can’t eat this or that because they knew themselves. And there was a silly thing about some grapes out and Michael had been going to the shower and he’d taken a few and the landlady was going out and so she moved them. And she started putting ornaments on her cooker so the lads couldn’t cook!
He was 16 then, in his first place after moving away from home. And his football started to suffer. Michael wanted to say something but he was frightened and thought it’d reflect on his football. So even when they’re away you’ve got to be aware and on your guard. I can’t fault the club. They spoke to the landlord and resolved it in the end.
Michael then moved into something like student accommodation where they had lots of bathrooms and a kitchen and looked after themselves. And this was really good for him. He changed. He matured. Since he moved away, he’s had to be mentally strong. To actually come through is very difficult.
It was hard for him and Graeme going away at 16, but they went to the right place, the right environment for the right reasons, so we were happy. They still had their social life, but they were allowed to mature. When Michael first went away West Ham smothered him. We could not fault them as a club. They really looked after him. He was going to come home one weekend and he’d been playing at Arsenal. And he said, ‘I can go to Kings Cross myself, I’ll be fine.’ But the club knew he wasn’t streetwise, and so they dropped him off at the station. They allowed him to mature at a proper pace.
Vince: I’d suggest parents talk to people at the club if their son’s going to go away. Don’t just think, ‘oh, I’ll sign this.’ Speak to people. Find out all the aspects of how the club’s run before you sign. Because it’s quite easy for people to sign and later go, ‘Oh, I don’t like that accommodation, I don’t like that…I didn’t think, oh, no education.’ Think before you sign the piece of paper.
Michael: I think it helped that I started going to West Ham when I was 13/14 in school holidays, so I had good relationships, knew the club, knew people around me and so I had a support group. Then I broke into the first team at West Ham and went out on loan. I was just on my own then, pretty much flung into it.
Even though I’d only played a few games in the first team at West Ham I was still comfortable in the environment, I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Whereas when I went to Swindon I was only 18, and they were fighting, they were bottom of the Championship at the time. That sort of opened my eyes to the reality of what it’s like.
I was on my own which I think helped, maybe not so much in just footballing terms but maybe the mental side of it, dealing with certain things and taking someone’s position, you know, you had old pro’s that I wouldn’t say were struggling but they’re fighting for their living really and you’re coming in and taking their place…well I was there six weeks so you had that element to deal with and the different mentality of the lower leagues. So there was a lot to cope with. But footballing wise it probably did help me a lot, but mainly I think it was the mentality.
Graeme: And how did you cope do you think? What kind of things helped? Because there’s a lot of deal with at the time.
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