“Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight.”

“She lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man.”

“Since fifteen in my stilettos been strutting in this game.”

“You tear me down like Roger Moore.”

“We kiss like we invented it.”


Which is the largest snake that is native to the British Islands?

Who were the three members of the Jimi Hendrix Experience?

Who were the judges in the first UK series of The X Factor?

Which 1982 single provided Madness with their only UK number one?

In which sport might you see a Boston Crab?

What was the name of the character played by Martin Freeman in The Office?

Who were the Norse equivalent of Adam and Eve, the first people on Earth?

What is the principal ingredient in Hoisin Sauce?

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?”

Te guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

Who did Gary Numan want to be when he got older? Gary Oldman.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.


HOOP WHOOP! It’s March, and

we’ve made it out of winter and into spring – yay us! Allegedly, in the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, to which I can only say ‘Sorry mate, Valentine’s Day was last month, so I think you’ve got some rather urgent making up to do, and no, that squashed bouquet from the 24 hour garage isn’t going to cut it, but taking your beloved out just might do the job.’

And where to take your special someone? To the park. Or the parks. Te very many parks that Norwich is blessed with. Everyone knows the big ones – Eaton, Earlham, Chapelfield and Waterloo – and they have their delights, their quirks, their expanses of lawn. Te absolute gems though are the smaller ones that are found tucked away behind houses and shops, the ones that make you pause and say ‘Ooh… I never knew that was there.’

Eagle Park’s one of them, a little strip of grassy play

area and woodland that’s squeezed in between Newmarket Road and Street, and is barely used by anyone. Same goes for St Bartholomew’s, just off Waterworks Road which has the added bonus of a ruined medieval church which was bombed by the Luftwaffe. Heigham Park isn’t really quite as hidden as some, but a surprising number of people don’t seem to be aware of it, so I’m bunging it in just in case you’d missed it.

Tere’s Lion Wood Nature Reserve that’s five minutes from the train station yet doesn’t seem to cause a flicker on the radar of anyone. Anderson’s Meadow is well known enough to feature on the cycleway path signs but often gets overlooked. If your companion is a bit more adventurous, then Kett’s Heights has the most spectacular views of the city, but also the most thigh crunching climb that Norwich has to offer, which puts a lot of people off making the ascent.

It’s spring, make the most of it, get out and find your own little secret oasis. Bonus points if you don’t have “PARKLIFE” as an earworm now.

jessikart OUTLINEONLINE.CO.UK / MARCH 2017 / 7

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