Self-Confi dence is SEXY!


By Diane Hayden, PhD T


oo many people think that being self-confi dent means you are cocky and disrespectful. Don’t get me wrong – there are people like that – but I wouldn’t call them self-confi dent. In


fact, when I meet someone who is totally full of themselves, I fi nd that it’s typically a total sham to cover up some major insecurities. That’s not confi dence.


Self-confi dence is defi ned as: a feeling of trust in one’s abili- ties, qualities, and judgment. To me, it means continually striving to make yourself a better person and enjoying the journey. But not in a demeaning, condescending, belittling way to others and not in a way that you think you’re better than everyone. This is about having the self-confi dence to know that you are a great catch, and you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.


Sometimes my boyfriend catches me checking myself out in the


mirror when I’m lifting. He’ll joke with me and tell me I’m con- ceited, but he really knows that I am just admiring something I love about myself and we all need to do that. I’m not doing it in a way that hurts anyone else – I’m just being self-confi dent.


Learn to move from a place of, “I can’t do it,” “I’m not good


enough,” “I’ll never get there,” “What if she rejects me?” to a place of, “No matter what, I’m going to win,” “I’m not going to get stuck in feeling shameful or angry,” “I’m going to fi gure out how to make this work for me.”


In a low self-confi dence state, you are constantly releasing


destructive hormones into your body that dramatically further lessens your confi dence and ability to attract women. It’s crucial for every man to identify what is at the core of his negative thoughts, so he can free himself from them.


I believe you need self-confi dence in every area of your life to truly be successful in being the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.


You need self-confi dence to follow your dreams and start a busi- ness or climb the career ladder.


You need self-confi dence to maintain a healthy lifestyle: eating


right, exercising, practicing mindfulness and reducing stress. You need self-confi dence to fi nd the right partner, believing in


yourself that you deserve an amazing partner and that you will be able to create and sustain a fulfi lling relationship with that person.


You need self-confi dence to train your mind to think positively, to be resilient, to be silent and to be your best friend and cheer- leader.


20 Natural Nutmeg - July/August 2016


WRONG!! I fi nally realized that acquiring self-confi dence does not happen


from proving yourself in “feats of strength.” Self-confi dence comes from doing the inner work on yourself. Self-confi dence comes from training your mind to have a growth mindset.


In a growth mindset, you believe that your most basic abilities


can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.


Check out the book, “Mindset,” by Carol Dweck – I was fasci-


nated to fi nally fi gure out why I had such low self-confi dence grow- ing up – it was because I had a fi xed mindset. I could read the news- paper at age 4, I was the narrator for a kindergarten play because I was the only child who could read, I was put in a special group of accelerated learners in 1st grade – and then I proceeded to graduate high school in the middle of my class with a B average. What hap- pened? At the rate I was going in 1st grade, I should have graduated school early or at least been the high school valedictorian, right?


Nope! Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge. That was me – totally unmotivated and afraid to fail.


“Contrary to popular belief, praising children’s intelligence did


not give them confi dence and did not make them learn better,” said Carol Dweck. Dweck found that children’s performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. We should teach kids from an early age that the brain is a muscle that can be strengthened with


There is nothing more attractive than a confi dent man…a man


who believes in himself, who has taken the time to develop his strengths, who recognizes where he needs to improve but doesn’t get down on himself, who continually strives to get better.


So – how do you become self-confi dent if you naturally aren’t?


Well, there was a time when I was not very confi dent about myself at all. I felt insecure about how smart I was, how athletic I was, how attractive to men I was – you get the picture, pretty much everything!


I didn’t think I was smart enough so I decided to get a PhD –


that would be proof that I was intelligent, right? I started running and biking and entered races – that would prove that I was athletic, right? I jumped from one relationship to the next – that would prove that I was desirable, right?


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44