ER 18
RegardingMen Men and Stress
cliché term for men and women that we think that just by identify- ing it we’re dealing with it. Not true. Even acknowledging “I’m stressed” can have the unintention- al effect of staying stuck and not looking to heal the stress that is in our lives. We have to take internal or external action as will be addressed later in this article. For me, the definition of stress
Stress has become such a
is simple. When your mind and your body are not in the same place, there is stress. Your body is right here in the present. If your mind is in the past, even yesterday, you will feel stress that can lead to depression. If your mind is in the future, even an hour from now, you will feel stress that can lead to anx- iety. Our minds and our bodies have to be together in every moment or we are stressed. We need to be conscious to keep both body and mind in the present and that will diminish stress. The separation of mind and
body is wear and tear on the body and on the mind and erodes our life force. We get confused and fatigued. We men also tend easily to get irritable, try to dominate oth- ers in our lives, control ourselves and others and push people away, especially those we need and love themost. Our relationships with the important men, women and chil- dren and our families in general, all suffer. It is lose-lose for them and for us. We men have to acknowledge
what we want and need in our lives so that we don’t have to do and be everything by ourselves and then be angry that we’re alone and no one is there for us. One of the most pervasive aspects of our being and feeling stressed is that we keep everything to ourselves. We men experience and are challenged daily by numerous stressors which take their toll on us. A partial list of
stressors are the following: divorce, our marriages, money, work or the lack thereof, fathering, children with difficulties, siblings, parents, our physical health, our sexual health, a possible or definite addic- tion.What have Imissed and which of these pertains to you? A special note on stress and
health: we don’t have to be brilliant to know that stress affects our bod- ies directly. Two disturbing facts for us men to remember: we die on average seven years before women and the incidence of every addic- tion such as porn, alcohol, drugs, gambling, work etc. is definitely greater for men than for
women.As an aside, the only addiction that women seem to have that is greater than for men is spending (not a joke). The medical profession at large and all our anecdotal evidence supports that migraines, irritable bowel, lower back pain, skin condi- tions, high blood pressure and other physical manifestations relate to stress and how we deal with it or not.
A major hindrance to us men
dealing with stress is the unspoken belief that we should be able to deal with all that is going on in our lives. Thus, we believe it’s more “manly” to not complain, not ask for help and keep things to ourselves. Do we share with the men and women in our lives? Do we leave them and ourselvesmore isolated and discon- nected? Stress overload creates dysfunction and compromises us in every way. When we have a crisis of any type in our lives, our stress levels rise and our ability to cope diminishes as overwhelm grows. First, let’s admit and acknowl-
edge that we are feeling stressed. Identify the stressors themselves. If there is “drama” anywhere in our lives, let’s commit to staying out of it.We can observe without expend- ing our energy. Let’s trust our integrity, our true innate balance,
and our own wisdom and clarity. Every bit of awareness puts us in charge of ourselves and in control of our own lives. This enables us to actually make choices as to what we do or how we act. There are other strategies or
ByJosephMaurino
actions to keep in mind on a daily basis. The following examples are not in order of importance or effi- cacy. Get back to nature: moun- tains, beach, forest or even local parks can calm us. Movement is essential which is why so many men love going to the gym. Many men have toldme it preserves their sanity. Yard work is good too. Meditation is not just for yogis or mystics. It is for us and is easier and more effective than you may think. Just imagine twentyminutes of quiet in your day. Learning to meditate is not difficult and we can commit to it. Be fully present with the woman and/or children in your life. Find healthy group social support with likeminded men. This is not so easy and we have to be discerning. “Boys night out” may or may not be the healthy solution for us. To sum up, it’s up to us men to
show up for ourselves in order to diminish stress. We cannot rely on others to do it for us. Stressors will always be there.We have to play an active role in taking care of our- selves and/or seek a professional who can support us in managing our emotional and physical selves. We have choices. Let’s exercise them.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Joseph is a Licensed Clinical
Social Worker who practices in Paramus, NJ. He specializes in supporting males of all ages to deal with issues particular to men. Joseph also does couple to couple counseling with his wife, Marina. He can be reached at 201- 261-9129
Inner Realm ~ 2016 ~
www.innerrealm.net
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