pH, allowing unfriendly bacteria to thrive, says Steelsmith. Her advice: Always go to the bathroom and urinate after intercourse, and use natural lubricants, like vitamin E. For some women, she also recom- mends low-dose, prescription estrogen cream or suppositories.


If an infection occurs, try to treat


it naturally, avoiding antibiotics, which can spark yeast overgrowth. Instead, Steelsmith recommends using tea tree oil, goldenseal, or probiotic douches or suppositories, available online and at health food stores. Kegel exercises are a famous aid,


involving clamping down as if inter- rupting urine flow, before releasing and repeating. This not only help fends off urinary incontinence and infection, it also strengthens and firms pelvic muscles, rendering enhanced enjoy- ment for both partners.


to feel close emotionally before she can feel close physically. For the man, physical intimacy is a conduit for opening up emotionally. When both keep waiting to get what they want, the relationship suffers.


She counsels couples to deliberate- ly make time to address both partners’ needs. Schedule a long walk or intimate dinner to talk over feelings; also sched- ule sex. “Some people say, ‘Oh, but that’s not spontaneous enough,’” says Weiner Davis. “But even if you put it on the calendar, what you do with that time can still be spontaneous and playful.” While most women assume that


they need to be in the mood first, re- search by University of British Columbia Psychiatrist Rosemary Basson suggests that in some women, desire only comes after physical arousal, especially by a loving partner that takes the time to meet her needs. “I wish I had a dollar for each time someone said to me, ‘I’m not in the mood, but once I get into it, I surprise myself, because I have a really good time,’” says Weiner Davis. She’s not advising women to make love when they really don’t want to, but rather to be open to it even when the circumstances aren’t ideal. “A lot of women feel like the house has to be clean, with the kids asleep and free of distracting noises,” she says. “Sometimes, just do it.”


Make Time for Intimacy Research has shown that over time, frequent lovemaking actually causes structural changes in certain areas of the brain as new connections form and sex-related regions grow stronger. Stop, and those areas atrophy, making physical intimacy feel awkward once it’s resurrected.


A sexless relationship can also be


emotionally devastating for the per- son, often the male, that wants more contact, says Weiner Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido. “For the spouse yearning for touch, it is a huge deal,” she says. “It’s about feeling wanted, at- tractive and loved.” In her practice, she often sees couples that are mismatched in how they wish to demonstrate and receive love. Often, the woman wants


natural awakenings May 2016 37


Libido Killers Birth Control Pills: Oral contra- ceptives can boost levels of sex hormone-binding globulin, which attaches to desire-promoting testos- terone, making it harder for the body to access it.


Antidepressants: Numerous anti- depressant medications have been shown to decrease libido, but leaving depression untreated can kill sex drive even more; consider natural alternatives.


Smoking: It impairs circulation to genitals.


Alcohol: Too much alcohol lowers sexual response.


Caffeine: Excess caffeine can erode levels of testosterone, which is vital for driving desire.


Sources: Laurie Steelsmith, ND, and research studies


Is Sex Essential? Clayton points out that while 42 per- cent of women experience either low sex drive or satisfaction, fewer than 12 percent are really bothered by it. “Some


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