78 San Diego Reader April 21, 2016
news of the WeiRD
LEAD STORY — Seattle’s ambitious Offi ce of Arts & Culture has allocated $10,000 this year to pay a poet or writer to create a work while present on the city’s Fremont Bridge drawbridge. T e offi ce’s deputy director told the Seattle Post-Intelligenc- er in January that the city wants to encourage “public art” and that the grant will oblige the recipient to create a work of prose or poetry from the bridge’s northwest tower, to help the people of Seattle understand the function of art in the city. (T e artist will not be “in residence,” for the tower has no running water.)
The Continuing Crisis — T e dominant-submissive lifestyle soared to higher-brow status in February when the New York Times reported on the recent marriage of the celebrated composer of “moody, quea- sy” works (and compulsive dominant) Georg Friedrich Haas to Mollena Williams, who blogs introspectively about her own kinky bondage as “T e Perverted Negress.” Friedrich had in- troduced himself to her on a dating site with the note, “I would like to tame you,” and cred- its her acceptance for his improved productiv- ity — because, he said, “I am not ([any longer] disturbed by unfulfi lled thoughts.” Although Williams-Haas is a black woman submitting to a white man, she explained that, “To say I can’t play my personal psychodrama out just because I’m black, that’s racist.”
Bright Ideas — T e roadside billboard giant Clear Channel Outdoor Americas announced in February that it would soon be recording the cell-phone loca- tions of drivers who pass the company’s signs in 11 cities in order to give advertisers more in- formation on how to pitch products to people with those particular travel patterns and behav- iors. Clear Channel asserts that no individual identifi cations would be sought, but privacy advocates fret about potential abuses, and even a Clear Channel executive acknowledged that
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the program “does sound a bit creepy.” (On the other hand, as Clear Channel pointed out to the New York Times, cell-phone users’ locations and characteristics are already being extensive- ly monitored by advertisers.) — “Medical” marijuana will take on a new meaning soon if the Food and Drug Admin- istration approves Foria Relief cannabis vagi- nal suppositories for relieving menstrual pain (from the California company Foria). Cur- rently, the product is available only in Califor- nia and Colorado, at $44 for a four-pack. T e company claims the inserts are targeted to the pelvic nerve endings, but International Business Times, citing a gynecologist-blogger, noted that the only studies on the effi cacy of Foria Relief were done on the uteruses of rats.
New World Order — In its brand-new communications stylebook this year for city workers, San Diego offi cials noted that the city’s then-upcoming Presidents’ Day announcements should, to be bias-free and inoff ensive, never refer to America’s “Founding Fathers” — even though they were all males — but only to “founders.”
Not the Usual Suspects — A then-married couple, both graduates of elite California law schools, were convicted of felonies and went to jail briefl y two years ago for a criminal scheme inexplicably tawdry — and in February 2016 lost a resultant civil law- suit for $5.7 million to the scheme’s victim. A woman at their child’s school had referred to the lawyers’ son as “slow,” enraging Kent Eas- ter (University of California at Berkeley) and then-wife, Jill (UCLA), who retaliated by plant- ing drugs and paraphernalia in Kelli Peters’s car and then, a man identifi ed via circumstantial evidence as Kent (with an accent as if from India), called in a DUI tip to police, resulting in Peters’s arrest. According to Peters, neither perpetrator has ever expressed remorse, and although Kent admitted to “stupidity,” he now
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complains that Peters does not deserve her windfall (like a “Powerball winner,” he said). — T e online-pornography colossus Porn- hub’s charity fundraising promotion during February benefi ted the Moclips Cetologi- cal Society (“Save the Whales”) in honor of World Whale Day on Feb. 13. Its news release celebrated whales’ sexuality — that they, like humans, do not limit their horniness to pro- creation. T e company said it would, from Feb. 8 to Feb. 29, donate a penny for every 2000 videos played on its ubiquitous free web- sites. (T at off er might appear modest, but a Seattle Post-Intelligencer reporter noted, over the fi rst two days, the world’s porn consumers had played 532 million videos — earning the charity $2,660.)
Can’t Possibly Be True — Vicky Leyton, 72, announced her retire- ment recently in Benidorm, Spain, over health concerns, but the lady’s 30-year run in her one-of-a-kind, “Sticky Vicky” magic show can hardly be forgotten by the 6 million fans who have witnessed it. Trained as a ballerina but emulating magicians who pull rabbits out of top hats, Vicky extracted an impressive array of items, also — from the body cavity that is occasionally the subject of this column. One review in Spain’s El Pais newspaper described a typical inventory: fl uff y fl ags, fl owers, ping- pong balls, sausages, eggs, a string of razor blades, a bottle, and a light bulb (that was aglow!).
Nothing More to See Here? — Andrew McNeil, 34, was arrested in Lincoln, Nebraska, in January and charged with disturb- ing the peace. According to the police report (and lacking follow-up reporting by local news outlets), McNeil was found around 11 p.m. na- ked and “covered in sawdust.” — Rob Moore, 32, was arrested for misde- meanor drug possession in Marathon, Florida, in February, but he had only come to police at-
by Chuck Shepherd © 2016
tention when an officer heard him banging on the trunk of his car from the inside. Without follow-up reporting, Moore’s story was that he was looking for something in the trunk, fell in, and couldn’t get out.
Least Competent Criminals — Anthony Nemeth, 26, seeking pain medi- cation but lacking a prescription, leaped over the pharmacy counter of a Walgreens in Bra- denton, Florida, in February and demanded a supply. Customer David West, 25, standing at the counter with his girlfriend, ended the “robbery” with four quick punches, sending Nemeth to the fl oor. (West is a competitive boxer and reportedly a former state cham- pion.) — Wheelchair-user Betty Jeff ery, 76, was brief- ly the victim of a purse-snatching in Pitsea, England, in February. She appeared vulnerable, but in fact is a former national arm-wrestling champion and slugged the young female thief in the face, slowing her down and leading her to drop the purse as she fl ed. — Simon Chaplin, 62, thought he had evaded police near Hebron, England, recently (thus avoiding a speeding ticket) by employing a do- it-yourself, James Bond–style smokescreen de- vice on his Peugeot sedan, facilitating a smoggy getaway. Initially, baffledpolice officerswere forced to hang back, but of course as the haze broke, they merely followed the smoke trail up ahead and caught Chaplin (who was convicted in Swansea Crown Court in February). — Te man who tried to vandalize a café in the Richmond suburb of Melbourne, Aus- tralia, in February, got away, but surveillance video showed that, in dousing the outside of thebuilding with fire accelerant, hehad also doused his own shoes and was spotted running off with his feet on fi re.
Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, San Diego Reader, P.O. Box 85803, San Diego, CA 92186 or to
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