BERNIE By Bernie Siegel, MD


The Beginning of the End


t may seem strange for me to start a discussion about how to handle loss and the death of loved ones by saying that death is not the worst outcome. There is a point in everyone’s life, no matter their species, when one’s body no longer will function and is not a comfortable place to be in.


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Symbolically, when people draw purple balloons, butterfl ies and kites going up into the sky they are telling me, often uncon- sciously, that they are ready for the healing that comes when they make the spiritual transition and leave their bodies. Death is about beginnings and not endings. We do not call graduations termina- tions we call them commencements, and so is death. Every cat- erpillar and butterfl y understands what the transformation means better than most people.


Saroyan shares these words at the end of a story in which a


young man dies; he becomes “dreamless, unalive, perfect”. And I know that he is right. I have experienced a near death experience as a four year old choking on a toy. I aspirated, and I can tell you when you leave your body you will most likely not want to come back. Even blind people see when they have a NDE and are often upset when resuscitated and fi nd themselves back in their body and blind again.


Harry Chapin’s song, “Circle”, shares these words: “It seems


like I’ve been here before; I can’t remember when; But I have this funny feeling; That we’ll all be together again....Our love is like a circle; Let’s go ’round one more time”. Yes, when the circle ends we grieve the loss of our loved ones, which is appropriate, but to live in the darkness is not what we are here for.


I can remember building a cairn over the grave of one of our


dogs who died and bringing a rock to the site every morning as I walked by his grave. Then one morning I thought what I wanted to bring him was beauty, so I picked a fl ower to place there. From that morning on I looked for beauty because of my loss and not a cold stone.


I have written about the candle that represents every one of our


dead loved ones. I do not want to put out their candles with my excessive grieving and tears. I have learned to forgive myself as I know they would forgive me, and to use my pain to nourish myself and others and make our lives meaningful. When one is hungry one does not get angry at one’s body. You seek nourishment.


Animals and children are complete and can be our teachers. When a cat named Missy came into our home, and I didn’t notice she wasn’t eating well, I felt enormous grief and guilt when she de- veloped liver failure and died. Her grave and cairn lies in the yard


42 Natural Nutmeg - January 2016


outside our door and I think of her often, but I also know she has forgiven me and wants me to enjoy the day. In her honor I do more for animals. As a young man said prior to dying, “What is evil is not the disease but to not respond with compassion to the person with the disease”. We must use our loss and express our compassion and when we do the curse becomes a blessing and helps us to become complete too.


The key is enjoying the day as all animals do. The way to die laughing is to accomplish what you are here to accomplish, and animals do that much better than we do. To quote a veterinarian who let her patients help her through surgery, “I can amputate a leg or jaw and they wake up and lick their owner’s faces. They are here to love and be loved and teach us a few things.”


A Hindu myth shares the words of a seven year old who is about


to give his life to save another, “Consider this, sooner or later my body will perish, but if it perishes without love, which the wise de- clare is the only thing of permanence, of what use will it have been?” When he is about to die he bursts into joyful laughter and everyone stops and clasps their hands together in an attitude of prayer.


The other, and more practical aspect of dying laughing, is to


remember the things you or others have done and tell stories about what you remember. Let your departed loved ones bring a smile to your face and life. Animals have no trouble doing this but we, the incomplete species, need to learn to let the child out and to not be normal. Be a character and live my WWLD when in doubt. What Would Lassie Do?


For many, Dr. Bernard Siegel-or Bernie, as he prefers to becalled- needs no introduction. He has touched many lives all overthe Planet. In 1978, he reached a national and then international audience when he began talking about patient empowerment and the choice to live fully and die in peace. As a physician who has cared for and counseled innumerable people whose mortality has been threatened by illness, Bernie embraces a philosophy of living and dying that stands at the forefront of the medical ethics and spiritual issues our Society grapples with today. Read Bernie’s regular blog posts on his website where you will also fi nd his books, articles, and CDs: http://www.berniesiegelmd.com.


Bernie currently holds a cancer support group the second and fourth Tuesday evenings of the month 6:30 to 8:30PM at Coachman’s Square at 21 Bradley Road, Woodbridge. If interested contact Lucille Ranciato: lranciato2@yahoo.com 203 288 2839; or Bernie: bugsyssiegel@sbcglobal.net.You can fi nd Bernie’s books ad CDs at Wisdom of the Ages in Simsbury, Ct. See ad on page 41..


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