LD50 M
y other half is a very mild- mannered chap. He's not one for arguments or harsh words. But
occasionally he likes to throw a particular insult at me. Tat insult is, "You're crap at imbibing".
Pretty harsh right? I know, I should probably leave him, go and find someone who'll treat me right, but he does actually have a point. I am totally rubbish at drinking. Troughout the day I leave a trail of cold, half-drunk cups of tea in my wake (a problem only exacerbated by parenthood). I abandon glasses of juice at the breakfast table, swig milk straight from the fridge, and end up downing glasses of water at the sink when I realise I've not drunk anything all day and am starting to resemble a walking raisin.
My problem is most apparent when it comes to alcohol. I like to think I'm a sophisticated grown-up, who enjoys partaking in a hard-earned tipple at the end of the day. When offered a glass of wine I display the correct amounts of enthusiasm and keenness, but after a couple of sips my glass usually sits upon the coffee table, ignored in favour of a Curly Wurly and a Scandinavian crime drama, to later be knocked onto the floor by the baby or the cat.
So this month's challenge - to create a cocktail, in honour of Norwich Cocktail Week - was a tough one. For those not in the know, Norwich Cocktail Week takes place between 4th and 10th October and is a chance for the bars of Norwich to show off their shaking and stirring cocktail making (or 'mixology', if you want to be wanky) skills, and celebrate all sorts of boozy concoctions.
Tankfully, as well as being a harbinger of cutting insults, my other half is also the landlord of one of the participating venues, Te Plasterers Arms on Cowgate,
36 /October 2014/
outlineonline.co.uk
so I asked him to do his best Tom Cruise impression (but marginally less camp) and whip up something delicious, that I can take the credit for.
What sort of thing would I like? He asked. Well, no vodka, that brings back too many memories of Meltdown at the Waterfront. Gin? No, too bitter. Something fruity? Yes, as long as it isn't orange as orange gives me migraines. Whiskey? BLEURGH, no, whiskey tastes of hangovers.
I'm a catch, aren't I?
At this point he suggests a beer cocktail. Yes, you heard me, a beer cocktail. "Like a snakebite and black?" I ask, and am met with much exasperated sighing - apparently beer cocktails are much more classy and complicated than that these days. But once his eyes had stopped rolling, the cogs started turning and he set to work on this, a Snakey B with style.
Te classic student union snakebite and black tends to be equal parts lager and cider, and a shot of blackcurrant cordial. Here the cider is replaced with Calvados, the cordial with Cassis and the whole shebang is topped up with pilsner and garnished with a poncy apple slice. To be extra pretentious we've named it the 'LD50', which in toxicology is the definition of a lethal dose of something, such as a venomous snakebite. Clever, huh?
If you want to skip the hard work of making your own, or have already consumed too many to be capable of doing so, then check out the Norwich Cocktail Week website (
www.norwichcockatilweek.com) for the participating venues and their offerings.
Morgan Pickard
To keep it simple you can build this in a glass. Bear in mind though that Cassis is thick and sweet and will sink to the bottom, so you really need to pop it in at the end on top of everything else.
In a tumbler filled with ice pour in a shot of Calvados (apple brandy) and top up with Pilsner (lager (no, Fosters will not do)), leaving a little space at the top of the glass. Pour in a shot of Crème de Cassis (blackcurrant liqueur) and give it a quick stir - not too much though as you'll lose gas from the lager. Garnish with a slice of apple. And there you have it; blackcurrant, apple, lager, just like a real snake-bite, but with a real boozy bite. Talk about polishing a turd.
Morgan writes her own, hilarious
blog on the internet. You can visit it and do a laugh wee wee at
sodnigella.blogspot.co.uk
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