argument about who I was going to live with. My dad threw my trifle at my mum. She got custardy. Custody. It worked a lot better out loud. Oh, self-pitying Cancer. It’s not all about you. Your lucky sport is golf.
LEO Jul 23 - Aug 22 What has happened has happened. What has not happened has not happened. What will happen will happen. What will not happen will not happen. “Each present moment is eternity,” as a wise man said. So, oh stubborn Leo… err… pint? Your lucky foot is left.
AQUARIUS Jan 20 - Feb 18 Might you be leading a secret life? Oh, stubborn (yet clever) Aquarius, you wouldn’t tell me if you were, would you? I don’t blame you either. I’m a notorious gobshite. But it’s not just me that you’re hiding your true feelings from, is it? Te truth will out, so make sure it’s on your terms. Your lucky biscuit is Rich Tea.
PISCES Feb 19 - Mar 20 What if the worst happens? Fuck it. Get a drink and have a wank. Tat always works for me when things go shit- shaped. Get pissed and abuse yourself. My Father, Mr Mann, told me, “nothing ever got solved with a clear head and a full scrotum. “ And he once punched a horse. Your lucky stationary item is paperclips.
VIRGO Aug 23 - Sep 22 Tink back to some event in your past where things looked as if they could be going wrong, but which actually turned out to be OK. Now, keep this feeling with you this month, as it’s time to take some risks. Oh sceptical Virgo, you know the cost of everything but the value of nothing. So go Wilde this Halloween, after all… You’ll be sober in the morning! No, wait, that was Churchill… Your lucky sandwich is chip butty.
ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 19 When we're feeling tense, everything seems potentially wrong. You need to relax, oh short tempered Aries. If everything seems like a hassle - do NOTHING this month! Say WHAAAT?? Tat’s right: Dr E Mann’s advice is to do FUCK ALL! ALL MONTH! Relax a little, get some perspective, and it’ll be Halloween parties before you know it. Your lucky coffee is latte.
TAURUS Apr 20 - May 20 When people clearly crave reassurance, aren't we almost overwhelmed with an urge to supply it? No. No, we’re not. And that’s a good thing. Oh, loyal Taurus, be dependable, but don’t give too much of yourself. It’s like feeding prunes to a baby: eventually you’re going to have to deal with a lot of someone else’s shit. Your lucky vehicle is train.
GEMINI May 21 - Jun 22 Are you helpless and hopeless? It may feel like it sometimes, but you’re more loved than you may realise. You’re a twin, right? And if I know my astrology, and I do, then all Geminis, Geminus, Gemina…whatever you guys pluralise as, are never alone. Buddy up and get down. Wham! Your lucky acid is citric.
CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22 What can you remember? I can remember my 10th Birthday party. My mother and father were going through a divorce and were having a heated
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LIBRASep 23 - Oct 22 Simplicity? Or complication? Both, surely, have their merits. Tis is indeed true of the age old struggle of brain vs mouth. Nothing feels quite as good as telling someone exactly how big a twat you think they are, but, oh diplomatic Libra, a life less complicated is… well… less complicated. Sometimes, just don’t. Your lucky chore is mopping.
SCORPIO Oct 23 - Nov 21 Are people who say they know exactly what they want also people who don't know what their other alternatives might be? Don’t listen to those that try and hold you back because they are scared of what may lay out there. Oh, resourceful Scorpio. Take a step into the wider world and don’t let your suspicious side put you off new things. Wallop! Your lucky sound frequency is bass.
SAGITTARIUS Nov 22 - Dec 21 Tere's no such thing as a problem that can't be solved - at least for a while. Both your unemotional and independent
bents are problems that will eventually be solved if you can learn to be emotional and dependent. Oh, unemotional, independent Sagittarius, emote
and depend, my friend. Emote and depend.Your lucky jump is star.
CAPRICORN Dec 22 - Jan20 Are the neighbours noisy or are your ears extra sensitive? Tere was another famous Capricorn who had extra sensitive ears, wasn’t there? Praise him. Tat’s right. David Bowie. He was inspired to write “Let’s Dance” by the
sounds of ants fucking. True story. Be more like Bowie. Your lucky object is lamp.
BY DR E. MANN
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