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Here we go again. Yet ANOTHER superhero film. Te new angle here is that this is from one of

those olden-days comics like what your Granddad would have read. “Old Testament”, published by BC Comics (I think) is the source material from which this particular tale is hewn and, lo, from what I’ve seen here it’s a rollicking roller-coaster of death, punishment, bile, anger, death, hatred and death. Dark stuff.

So, Aussie ‘phone-chucker Russell Crowe plays Noah. He’s like a cross between Aquaman and the Beastmaster, but he’s also surprisingly good at building boats. He’s enlisted by this “God” character, played by Samuel L. Jackson probably, to rescue all the best bits of “God”’s creation - you know, the


05 July Transformers: Age of ExtinctionMichael Bay attaches the jump leads to this franchise – this time with Mark Wahlberg as his tool of choice - and attempts to take it round the block one more time. Will it roar back into life or splutter and die? Find out.

11 July How to Train Your Dragon 2Te sequel to Dreamworks’ popular instructional video, this one features advanced techniques such as keeping your kids quiet for two hours in the school holidays. Good job, Dreamworks, good job.

25 July HerculesAnyone wonder what Hercules got up to after he finished his 12 tasks? Well wonder no more as Te “Dwayne” Rock elbow drops his way through Greek legend in this slightly silly yet visually delightful romp, proving that Brett Rattner can at least organise a myth-up in a fury.

31 July Guardians of the GalaxyWhat do you call the coolest group of superheroes to ever assemble? If you said the Avengers, correct. But what if you want the craziest, most random, group of space cowboys ever? Ten look no further. I know it feels like the whole world is wearing its pants on the outside, but this could just be the best Marvel movie yet. Smiley


07 July Te Grand Budapest HotelTwixt-war Hungarian posh hotel concierge and bell- boy friendship adventure sort-of-thing. You know. It’s another master-class in quirk from director Wes Anderson and features a cast so stellar you’ll literally weep fame for days after. Delightful.

14 July Under the SkinScarlett Johansson is a kinda vampirey alieney sorta thing, preying on the sexually disenfranchised misfits of Glasgow, of all places. Directed by Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast), it caused quite the critical praise-frenzy on its initial release. Stunning.

21 July Te Lego MovieFar from the extended toy advert I was expecting, Te Lego Movie is a frantic and joyous laugh-fest with satire and subversion at its heart. Tink ‘Robot Chicken’ with a budget and big ideas. I’d even go as far as to use the adjective “profound”. Honestly.

28 July Twin Peaks – Te Complete MysterySurely this needs no explanation? David Lynch’s TV masterpiece in its entirety for the first time in HD and 7.1 surround sound with hours of extra footage and alternate material. If you don’t realise how awesome what I’ve just said is, go do some homework. Seriously. Tis series changed TV. Jay Freeman


animals and such – because “God”, who we’re initially led to believe is an omnipotent force of infinite love and forgiveness, turns out to be a bit of a prick, and he’s going to kill everyone in a massive flood. Everyone except Noahman, that is, and his family; wife Jennifer Connelly (Noah? I’ve never met ‘er), and sons Ham, Beef, Onion and Kippers. And you’ll never believe how he saves them!

It may sound ridiculous – as these comic book stories often are – but Darren Aronofsky, a brave, accomplished and unpredictable director, has, like Joss Whedon with ‘Avengers’, turned this hotchpotch of watery diarrhoea into a moistened masterpiece. It may stretch the limits of any intelligent person’s credulity, but it’s epic, captivating and extremely entertaining. I can’t wait for the sequel: ‘Noah 2: He smells Arrat’. Jay Freeman

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