by sylvia rodemeyer
met some of themost amazing, strong, self-assured, bad-ass femmes throughout Southern California.”
“ I love beingfemme and have
(INVISIBLY) Queer “Wait, but you don’t look like a lesbian.”
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that in the last decade, I’d have enough cash to cover an entire month’s rent. It’s the plight of femme-presenting queers. I recognize my privilege in being able to move through out the world without
attracting negative attention in unsafe environments, but femmes like me often miss out on little things like the ubiquitous “dyke nod” that visibly queer women often exchange. The ability of butches to almost immediately be identified is something nearly foreign to me. There is really not a femme equivalent. When I was single, it was difficult to
convince anyone I was anything but straight. At gay bars, I was often labeled as the closest gay man’s “fag hag”—a term and identity I hope dies off any day now. Or, I’ve had lame “breeder” jokes lobbed my way (another term I wish would disap- pear). Despite speaking up, I rarely had my identity accepted without a fight. As a femme, you often slip under the radar of both straight and queer people. Once, at a college party hosted by the lesbian club on campus, I entered an
apartment filled with a dozen butch lesbians and gender-queers. My little femme heart was so happy. Until the host drunkenly suggested I leave. After all she said, “I didn’t fit in.” Years later, at Dyke Day in San Francisco’s Dolores Park, that same host apologized for excluding me, but at the time I felt like I’d never find the supportive queer community I was looking for. Since then I’ve found more accepting friends. But, part of me wonders if it is
54 RAGE monthly | MAY 2014
just due to being visible (My partner and I are very active in the local LGBTQ com- munity) and in a openly gay relationship that signifies my queerness to others. But simply being a queer femme isn’t enough somehow, because it challenges the belief that all feminine women are heterosexual and that all dykes are more masculine. I love being femme and have met some of the most amazing, strong, self-
assured, bad-ass femmes throughout Southern California, women who have inspired me to be more confident and unwaveringly declaring myself so. Part of that process has been actively seeking out others like me; from attend-
ing a regular femme-focused clothing exchange that also doubles as a support group, to watching some of those femmes perform in a burlesque troupe. It is empowering to witness that femme visibility in action. Just remember, the next time you’re eyeing that lip-glossed, high-heeled
femme-presenting person at a club, think before you dismiss them as just another bachelorette party, or a pack of straight girls descending upon your gay bar.
Make femmes more visible.
Here are a few resources for those of you who might be seeking: Check out the Femme Conference facebook page
atfacebook.com/groups/femmeconferenceor this meet up group
atmeetup.com/madfemmepridela.
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80