that count—a few words of appreciation, a loving touch, an expression of sexual attraction. If we have trouble remember- ing to regularly express appreciation, we may do better by asking, “What would have been harder about this day if my partner wasn’t in my life?”
Why do the new realities of marriage emphasize play over work?
Successful marriages used to depend upon specialization. Men and women couldn’t substitute for one another in accomplishing tasks. A typical woman couldn’t support herself financially; a typical man didn’t know how to feed himself, do laundry or manage childrear- ing. Even if couples didn’t share many mutual interests, the partners often took pleasure in being indispensable. Now women can support them-
selves and men cook and clean. Thus, shared interests and leisure activities, rather than specialized work roles, increasingly serve as the glue of marriage. Play takes people off the work-centric treadmill and introduces novelty into the relationship. Spending leisure time with others also produces higher levels of happiness than co- cooning, according to the Gallup- Healthways Well-Being Index. So make it a double-date night.
How do current and potential partners benefit from game changers—from cell phones to the Internet? The Internet makes it easier to meet partners. Once in a partnership, tech- nology can help daily tasks get accom- plished efficiently, leaving more leisure time. It also allows us to check in with each other while apart.
But e-devices are no substitute for
face time. The best way to nurture a re- lationship is to unplug from the grid and plug into real life. I see many couples reinvigorated by each other’s company after a few hours together engaged in a fun outdoor recreational activity.
For relevant articles and interviews, visit
StephanieCoontz.com.
S. Alison Chabonais is the national edi- tor of Natural Awakenings magazines.
natural awakenings February 2013 43
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