HEALTH


RICHARD BERCUSON


Beware the SUN’S countenance upon thee


“Out!” shrieked Lady Macbeth. “Out,


damned spot!” She leaned over her husband’s lumpy torso


to apply the heel of her palm to his schnozz, rubbing with much displeasure. The Thane of Cawdor’s back was to the window, his usual posture to ensure sounds from his body escaped outwardly. ‘Twas yet another beauteous morn as the


sun’s luminescence set Dunsinane Castle alight. The air fairly scented of freshly baked haggis loaves and bovine dung. Indeed, it would be a fine day. Except for the spot. Macbeth jolted. “My God, woman! What art


thou doing to my proboscis!?” “Tis a spot, milord.” “Aye, aye, tis a spot,” he replied touching it


himself as if to ensure it was still present. “’Twas the same spot as yesterday and a fortnight ago.” “But tis bigger,” she groaned. “And


jaggedier.” “What say you? Jaggedier?” “Forsooth, I daresay, your spot is growing.


Thou must see that doctor.” “You mean the inebriate sloth who hath


treated the three witches for false teeth?” “The witch doctor. He knows of these things.


He says they are cancers.” To Milady’s relief, it took little convincing.


No man who had vanquished his enemies would be laid waste by a mere spot on his beak, however jagged. So Macbeth went to said doctor. “Look at my nose, you haggard half-faced


hedge-pig,” Macbeth ordered. “You have a spot,” the witch doctor said after


a mere glance. “Out, damned spot, say I!” “Tis a familiar phrase, methinks.” “Would you like some false teeth?” “No, and aye, I know I have a spot. Is it one


of your cancers?” asked the Thane. “Could be. I shall examine it...” And as


he poked and rubbed Macbeth’s spot, he cited strange words. “Didst His Lordship know that


8 BOUNDER MAGAZINE


the most common types of skin cancer are squamous cell cancer and basal cell cancer? Both are known as non-melanoma skin cancer and they can usually be treated successfully.” “What nonsense you speak!” Macbeth


growled. “Squamous is a town in British Columbia, you ignorant gnat. And basal is what I sprinkle on Milady’s salad,” “If you wish, Your Negligence. May I ask


you to remove your top garment?” “You wish to touch me? Is this not peculiar?” “I wish to examine your body for skin


defects. Did I ask if you’d like some false teeth? Only used once.” “I have no use for extra teeth. Find what you


will then.” And so the witch doctor touched and


measured the spots on His Lordship’s expanse, paying particular attention to the neck, arms and hands. As he did so, he spoke of numbers. “There is a greater rate of increase in skin cancer among men than any other cancer: 41 per cent in the death rate since 1988.” He sighed as his fingers did their investigation. “I am not a number. I am a man. What harm


can there be?” “None if you are sensible. But since His


Worship admits to his gender, being sensible is no longer a foregone conclusion.” “This is so much donkey piles. What have


you discovered, aside from my veritably ripped form?” “Spots. Of unusual size and temperament.


I must remove them lest they become melanomas.” “Who is this fellow, Mel Anoma?” “The spots, Your Thaneness. They can be


deadly. But in the early stages, melanoma can be cured.” “I didst not know he was ill.” “Hast thou knowledge of the ABCDs of melanoma, Your Unpleasantness?”


continued on page 60 www.bounder.ca


Barbara Ann Studios


Call CPGA Professional Danielle Nadon for more information


613-839-5885 1755 Old Carp Road Kanata, ON


www.bounder.ca www.lochmarch.com


We are celebrating 9,125 Great Days at Loch March this year!


We’re talking about doing a few NINE & DINE this year. But I’m looking for more than a hamburger and coleslaw.


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Barbara Ann Studios Celebrating 9,125 Great Days at


Your Public Golf & Country Club BOUNDER MAGAZINE 9


They include Unlimited Golf together with the use of our Practice Facility. (Quantities Limited)


My friends suggested we check out Loch March. They’re doing Sunday NINE & DINE after 3pm starting May 20th. It includes a golf cart, a sleeve of balls, and a special menu…


In recognition of our celebration, we are offering, for the first time ever, SEASON PASSES!


So…


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