CREATIVE EXPRESSION
Herb the 0at stabe hypnosis
I bet you didn’t know I could hypnotize other cats, did you. Yep, ole Herb here is a hypnotist and last weekend I was at a party where some cat was complaining about her headache and it turned really funny. It all started when she found out that I am a hypnotist and asked me to hypnotize her to help her get rid of her headache. Usually this is a short quick process, but she was not cooperating with me. She thought that when you are hypnotized you are off in a trance and don’t know what you are doing. Although this can be the situation, I pre- fer the cats I hypnotize to be alert so they can talk to me and we know when the headache is gone. Well, the more I tried to get her to relax, the more she kept saying “I’m awake, I’m awake”. Soon the cats were thinking that I was inept and couldn’t put a dead cat to sleep. The more I worked with her, the more she resisted. Finally I’d had enough and I decided she was not going to make a fool out of me, so I had her lay down on the couch and preformed my world famous Herb puts ‘em to sleep hypnosis induction right there in front of everyone and she was out like a light.
First I got rid of the headache and once it was gone, I decided to get her back for the grief she gave me, so I started in on her. First I had her (while still in hypnosis) stand up and walk around. Next I had her act like a chicken flapping her wings and clucking. Have you ever seen a Cat acting like a chicken? What a hoot! Everyone was laughing at her and yelling for me to make her act like a stripper and take her clothes off. I wanted to, but I thought that would be too much. Soon we all got tired of watching her make a fool of herself so I had her go in the corner, put her wing over her eyes and go to sleep for ten minutes and then wake up remembering that she had been made a fool of by acting like a chicken. About nine and a three quarter minutes later we all went over to her and she started moving around and woke up to all of us saying “SURPRISE”. You would not believe the yelling and screaming that came at me from that little cat. She was so humiliated and embarrassed knowing what she did. All the cats laughed until the fur on their faces was soaking wet with tears.
The only trouble is that now all the other cats are afraid to let me hypnotize them. I lost my job at the hypno- sis center for being unprofessional. Well, that’s O.K. I really prefer to lounge around and eat tuna anyway. John would tell me that I manifested this because of some self-defeating subconscious program and that no self respecting hypnotherapist would behave in such a despicable manner. Well, I’m a cat first and a hypnotist second, and cats do what we want to do.
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er h at i Oracle 20/20 April 2012
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