The new Playmusic App is now available! Click on the icon to take you to the iTunes page.
in the meantime, here are a few music Apps that we reckon should exist... even if they don’t! Rant like Yngwie… banish bum notes good… Use your smartphone to boost your musical skills with these new apps…
The Fury Tired of not being noticed? Then this new app will instantly transform you from a wallfl ower to a strutting rock god. Throw an epic tantrum and feel the power as various hapless tour manager’s, air stewardesses and hapless band
members crumble before you. Of course, you will also have to gain several stone in weight, develop a penchant for more tasteless gold jewelry than your average gansta rapper, a habit of wrapping your Ferrari around the nearest lampost and undergo a personality change so drastic that your own mother will change her name and emigrate to a remote Polynesian atoll just to avoid being associated with you but who cares? With fi ngers so fl eet that complex diminished riffs will literally explode from your guitar and more cool high-end product endorsements than your average F1 driver, you’ve got it nailed!
Instant Jazz
Frustrated jazzers take note. This app not only helps you learn the full repertoire and develop the monster chops necessary to make it as a pukka jazzer but you’ll also get the whole image nailed too. Your jacket will instantly
develop worn leather elbow patches and you’ll smell of slightly musty old cupboards and old pipe tobacco, even if you don’t smoke! You will instantly meet like minded friends called Miles, Julian and Jez while Jazz Translator Mode will also enable you to pepper your vocabulary with hip jazz phrases like ‘he is a monster player’ and ‘Miles had his funky bone in tonight’. Instant Jazz also includes the free anti-technology app, meaning that instead of a proper active PA system you’ll make do with a 25 watt guitar practice amp with an optional home made speaker enclosure for more ‘throw’ when you playing your one paying gig per year! Groovy.
Marr Attacks
Cultivate the enigmatic aura of an 80s guitar legend. Vegetarianism, eyeliner and an effortlessly cool persona are now yours for the taking with this most desirable of apps. Your guitar playing will instantly become a must-
have for every major producer and artist looking for a Numero Uno guitarist who can transform the most mundane of chord sequences into a veritable one-man orchestra. Quite simply, you be the coolest man alive…just don’t mention a Smiths reunion!
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www.playmusicpickup.co.uk
Florence Me Are you a nice-but-dim posh redhead that looks like a bloke in a wig? Voice like a ruptured foghorn? No matter, with Florence Me you can live out your fantasies of being Kate Bush and shout into your hairbrush at
full volume in the true belief that you are indeed a vocalist of astonishing range and power. Don’t rely on your wealthy and well-connected middle class media-parents to open doors for you; you need is Florence Me and a healthy does of utter self-belief. Even a total lack of any genuine singing talent won’t stand in your way. More fun than karaoke, Florence Me will let you drown out any dissenting voices with sheer lung power. A Critics Choice Award at the Brits is surely only a download away!
groundbreaking digital vocalizer technology as used by X-Factor contestants, the Bum Note Eliminator negates tiresome study of scales and modes. Download the free Talent Booster app for the full effect. Satisfaction guaranteed.
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Bum Note Eliminator The classic musician’s comedy stomp box now available as a free download.
Struggling to learn that complicated riff or solo? No matter how diffi cult, dodgy notes are a thing of the past. Based on
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