Health Advice
Agony aunt
What is the best way to teach your son domesticity? How do you build performance confi dence and what tips do you have on handwriting? First Eleven’s Agony Aunt Victoria Lambert rounds up a panel of experts to answer your questions
The school Christmas play is looming – and I am getting stressed. For the past two years, my eight-year-old daughter has been cast as an angel (she’s blonde) and given little to do despite being desperate to star as Mary. Instead, we have watched as two teachers’ children have been given the lead roles. How do I help my little girl feel better about being over-looked every time? Sarah, Oxfordshire
Victoria Lambert says: Ah, the school play! What a nightmare. The politics around any school event – from drama to concerts, sports days or even who gets to present a bouquet to a school visitor – can rumble on for terms. It is a skilful teacher indeed who can handle each child’s potential without ruffl ing some parental feathers. First, don’t feel bad about your own emotions. You may still be living out your own frustrations (you don’t say whether you too were stuck in the back line, and never off ered a starring role!). But, whatever the reason, you do have to get past your
feelings, and focus on what you can achieve for your child – and for harmony at home. Unless you talk to a member of staff , you will never know if the prime positions are not handed out according to lot, a method used in many
schools. In which case, learning that life is not necessarily fair, and that
random decisions do happen, but that you have to learn to accept some disappointments
with good grace is not a bad lesson either. Failing that you could take ultimate action –
The Educational Psychologist Sue Morris is a practising educational psychologist with a special interest in child and adolescent mental health.
off er to run the play yourself and turn it into an ensemble piece where all the parts are equal. Many teachers would hand over the drama of the nativity play gladly. Good luck!
My 10 year-old-son is completely undomesticated He boards - so his father excuses him - but I’m the one picking up clothes, making endless meals for him and his friends etc. How can I turn him into Jamie Oliver (albeit occasionally)? Harriet, west London
At home, making pizzas is a good way to
encourage not just your son but also his friends into the kitchen. As for wider domestic skills, I am a fi rm believer in the sharing of chores. Family life is about teamwork and some will be more skilled in the kitchen than others but every member needs to be taught the basics – it is never too early (or too late) to start. Boarding schools usually run tidy dorm
competitions and expect children to pile used china and cutlery on trays after meals, so they do reinforce domesticity in some way. If my boys leave a cereal bowl on the kitchen table, they are testing the house rules; I know that they wouldn’t get away with it at school. I suspect that your husband clears his cereal bowl before leaving the table, so an undomesticated child is using diff erent rules. Perhaps you just need to reset your home boundaries.
Fi Bird says: It’s not easy: when my boys return home from school they are “indulged” for a day or two; so over an exeat weekend it can seem like I’m running a hotel. This may be a problem peculiar to me but if I am honest it doesn’t set a good precedent for them helping in the kitchen. But knowing their way around the kitchen,
not just the store cupboard, is a practical not a theoretical skill. Learning to peel a potato is not only an opportunity for any child to contribute to the next meal but also is a means of sharing time together, the burden of chores and the praise for tasty food. Why not suggest to the school that they start
a cookery club and include some dietary input (the food groups) as well as teaching how to chop, bake and wring out a dishcloth – a very useful skill for home. (Some tips here: www.
schoolfoodtrust.org.uk).
The Drama & Arts Specialist Sarah Brindley is a former actor and drama teacher, now Franchise Manager for Stagecoach Theatre Arts schools.
A sensitive question My eight-year-old son had undescended testes when he was born, and a small procedure corrected that problem when he was 18 months- old. But recently he has been complaining of pain in his groin, especially when the weather is cold or he has been playing sport. Could this be the start of something more sinister? James, Manchester
Feilim Murphy says: I’m very sorry to hear of your son’s discomfort. Undescended testes is very common aff ecting 1% of all boys and the surgical procedure to reposition the testes correctly is very simple, fast and safe. But it is not unusual for an operation to leave some scarring and that can cause aches in precisely these circumstances: activity and cold. So the pain should be short-lived and resolve quickly. A little ibuprofen occasionally might help. You may be worrying, however, that it suggests something more sinister. There is a slightly increased risk of future malignancy in boys whose testes were positioned incorrectly at birth, but only
The Special Needs Expert Jo Petty is a director of the Dyslexia Teaching Centre in London. She has extensive experience with children and adults with dyslexia and special education needs.
58 FirstEleven Michaelmas 2011
www.fi rstelevenmagazine.co.uk
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