the relationship benefits as well, because the air has been cleared.” Practicing honesty in relationships not only deepens intimacy and authen- ticity, it also produces better results with less effort. “Stalling is inefficient,” notes Cole. “I don’t want people coming back to me again; I’d rather tell them no at first, rather than hedge.” “Playing nice is often a lie,” she
elaborates. “Being nice is not nice. Be- ing kind is nice.”
Being real, rather than nice, can bring unexpected rewards, even with strangers. By answering truthfully, you might be surprised at the sparks of revelation and connection sometimes created in a moment of pure honesty.
Frances Lefkowitz’s book, To Have Not, was named one of five Best Memoirs of 2010 by
SheKnows.com. Connect at
FrancesLefkowitz.net.
attitudeof gratitude
The Language of Honesty
In her book, Saying What’s Real, psychotherapist Susan Campbell, Ph.D., offers some phrases that can help facilitate a safe and honest conversation. “I want... ” Assuming that other people know what we want is a self-pro-
tective mechanism; it helps us avoid feeling the vulnerability that comes from asking for what we want and possibly not getting it. If you ask for what you want at the moment you actually want it, the other person can better feel the clarity and energy of your desire. “Hearing you say that, I feel...” This phrase helps to keep our attention focused on the only truth we can know for sure—our own feelings. If talking about another’s emotions, label your interpretation; for example, “I imagine you’re feeling sad.” “I have some feelings to clear.” Old, uncommunicated emotions are like clutter: If they don’t get cleared away, you’ll just keep tripping over them. When you decide to do some emotional housecleaning, formulate a goal for the conversation. Begin by telling the other person that your intent is to clear the air so the relationship can become stronger.
HARVEST DINNER UNDER THE STARS A BIG SUCCESS CT Audubon Society Center at Glaston- bury, 2hopewell American Bistro & Bar and Rose’s Berry Farm combined their efforts in the second ‘Harvest Dinner Under the Stars’ on September 9, 2011. With very special donations after Hur- ricane Irene, Connecticut farms fed a sold-out crowd and regional businesses donated fine wines and sponsorships. The dinner showcased donated
foods from Beckett Farms, Berruti’s Harvest House, Belltown Hill Orchards Farm Market and Bakery, Beltane Farm, Boomster Scallops, Carini’s Berry Farm, Deercrest Farm, Dondero Orchards, E. Draghi & Sons Farms Gardiner’s Market Gotta’s Farm & Cider Mill Killam and Bassette Farmstead, Little Acres Farm Market, and Riverview Farms Fall Festival/ Robb’s Ice Cream. Whole Foods Market of Glastonbury, 2Fly Wines, Hartley & Parker LTD, Inc. and M & R Liquors donated the wines for the entire meal. A very special thank you to hosts Sandi Rose of Rose’s Berry Farm who donated the beautiful venue, and Bill Driggs of 2hopewell Bistro whose chefs prepared the delicious meal. Generous sponsors included Ac-
celerating Excellence, Peter Alter LLC, Dermatology Associates of Eastern CT, Brian & Flo Fisher, Fraleigh-Gray Insur- ance, Jean H. Holden, Skeeter & Chris Krumperman, Morgan Stanley, Ortho- pedic Associates of Hartford, Paper Roll Supplies LLC, People’s United Bank, Riverview Farms, Dr. Prasad Srinivasan and Spectra Energy. This celebration of CT-grown produce and foods benefitted The CT Audubon Society Center at Glastonbury. Monies raised from this event will help support the Center’s mission, to conserve Connecticut’s environment through science-based education that focuses on the state’s bird population and habitats.
natural awakenings October 2011 29
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