THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, June 2, 2011


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in your mind, with cor- ners and windows. You walk through your imagi- nary house inside your head and see rooms that open up, then stairs to more space, clever closets tucked smartly, and more space that just unfurls as you walk through. You sigh and enjoy. As the house reveals in


by Dr. Debi Warner Contributing Writer


Dear Dr. Debi, Our situation is all up in


the air but my partner has just gone on and on about building a house on some land across town, that we don’t have money for. I don’t even know if it’s time to have kids, or what my career might be when this economy picks up, and I am pretty wrapped up in that mess. Is it really time to get into this house thing?


Signed, Working Late and Tired


Dear Beginnings, Your situation sounds


tough with long hours and much uncertainty with your bigger plans up in the air. And that air seems filled with harsh stuff. But I wonder what you and your partner are doing to dream of your future together and form a foundation to carry you two ahead? It seems you are being tugged toward commitments and making things happen. But if you are so tired, what might you both do? When things are rough,


it can be even harder if you are in a tug of war with your partner. So let’s see what is going on and maybe find a way to bridge that span. There are some really


mesmerizing aspects to dreaming of your own home. Your imagination can be lively and smart. The building takes form


your mind, or as you re- call a house you visited, it seems to take shape as inner architecture. You dream in that space. Your thoughts rest in there. You are able to go there when upset and your stress seems to unravel. It is very rewarding. It is like a natural drug that soothes your irritations, stimulates smart nerves, and is inexhaustible. Now, considering the frustration of your cir- cumstances, do you won- der why your partner is focused on a house? It is free and not an illegal drug that will land one in jail. But what positives come of it? Your partner is holding a dream for both of you. It seems you especially need this, con- sidering how down you are with your situation. Maybe you can learn to dream together. If you are worn down


by so much work, you need some dreams. You need some hopes that


will pull you along. Hav- ing a special dream does not obligate you to make that exact plan happen. No signed documents and payment coupons come with imaginary houses. Ask your partner to con-


sider your fear of pay- ments but then deter- mine yourself to open up the imagination for your future together. It is awkward to shake off the prickly circumstances of fatigue and bills, but you need to peel off that layer to access the inside of your life direction. Un- derneath, you find how you make the right things happen in your family. The good moves that over- come adversity and bring forth the strength that you have when you work together, the importance you place on certain val- ues in life itself. Share your concerns


and then invite a talk about dreams. Now, ask your partner to describe what they see, and visit it in your mind too, like you are watching a movie together. Relax and travel around the place. Ask questions of where stuff is, how your things will be handled, and make room for your dreams in that space too. Like if you want kids, where they will go? Their stuff, their sleeping, their


STEP IN-NOT OVER


Are you or someone you know having a hard time bathing because the side of the bathtub is too high and remodeling the bathroom is not an option. I have helped hundreds of people throughout the New England area by lowering the side of their existing bathtub for safe and easy access.


messes? How about your visitors and their friends? Do you want to be the neighborhood rec center? How do you figure that in? Or, are you tucked away and devote space to hobbies? Where do your tools go? How about the outdoor equipment? It may seem like pipedreams now, since you haven’t got money for that stuff let alone need a place to store it, but it will do you good to imagine it for your dreams sake. You can let your imagi- nation soar with the im- ages also. Maybe save pictures from magazines and talk about them to- gether. As you do, you form a shared taste that will come forth when you do ever make a move for your own place. Little aspects of it will happen


before you know it. The Landlord is repainting and you two get to pick a color. There! A chance to bring your world closer to your dream. Birthdays and Christ-


mas come and you buy presents that ref lect those dreams and it feels good, as the environment around you begins to transform into aspects of your inner blueprints. The ideal house in your minds holds one important pos- session – your commit- ment to a loving future. You do not have to make payments on that but it will keep it dry and ready for you. It holds a shared vision that you form by talking and sharing, a reflection of your bond together.


Happy Home Team! Dr. Debi


Dr. Debi Warner is the Founder of Renovation Psychology® and


author of Putting the Home Team to Work, available now online. Dr. Debi provides advice for greater domestic harmony to folks who are renovating their home – for True Home Improvement. This column is offered for enjoyment and enhancement and is not intended to replace your personal medical care. Photo by Bob Jenks, St. Johnsbury, Vt. Dr. Debi has a con- sultation practice, visiting home sites all over New England from her studio in Littleton, NH at the Tannery Marketplace. © 2009 Renovation Psychology® Questions are welcome.


Visit www.RenovationPsychology.com


For Brochure please call or visit Joe and Kathy Sales LLC 1-603-224-9447 - www.joeandkathysales.com


References include: many private homes, housing authorities, Retirement communities, VA, and more.


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