Is Caring for a Loved One Taking a Toll on Your Other Relationships?
what is beneath the immediate surface of our daily lives. Most of us have a wealth of responsibility these days, and if it becomes necessary to add an elderly parent or a sick or disabled child into the mix, our already precarious balance is thrown off kilter. How do we prioritize when there is no time to do so? We only have two hands, two eyes, two ears, two legs, two
arms...not enough to care for everyone in our lives, hardly enough to go around. How can we tend to a sick parent and also help our children with their homework? How can we tend to a develop- mentally delayed son while being mindful that our daughter doesn’t feel left out? We see ourselves as limited beings with the ability to do just so much before we stress out, thinking that we’re neither
O
ften we are so busy paying at- tention to what we see, hear, or feel in the moment that we forget
magicians nor miracle workers. How can we expect ourselves to perform the impos- sible? How can we keep all the balls in the air and remain sensitive to everyone in our lives? How can we continuously give as much as pos- sible and yet avoid overloading and stressing ourselves as we focus on our neediest relatives? Does someone have to suffer? The answer
can. People are resilient, even more so when they understand some basic truths about life. Caretaking does not have to take a toll on us, but it will every time if we think it will. My point is that thinking makes it so. Thinking can make us stress or thinking can make us feel fulfilled, sometimes over the same exact circumstance, sometimes just moments apart. Does this sound at all famil- iar? Do you notice yourself feeling stressed and incompetent one moment and chal- lenged and fulfilled the next? Have you ever thought, “If I only knew what creates each of these experiences I’d know how to respond rather than react. I’d know how to enjoy my intimate relationships and how to see dif- ficult relationships as not at all difficult, and in fact, feel very grateful to have the oppor- tunity to help and/or advocate for someone other than myself.” Just realizing that you’ve helped someone get through the day with a little more ease, can bring major ‘feel good’ rewards.
Sure, if we’re over-tired or the person
“I had been sitting there thinking my usual worried, negative thoughts
is that no one has to suffer, not even you. It is possible to keep our bearings in the worst of circumstances and also forgive our- selves when we can’t or don’t see how we
about myself and my life in general, when I suddenly realized that I would never have any happiness in my life if I kept thinking that way. Feelings of joy and hopefulness washed over me, and I cried tears of gratitude.” - Kimberly Porter - 3 Principles trainer
we’re helping becomes cranky and perhaps even downright insulting, it could set into motion a downward spiral. First we may feel overwhelmed, then resentful, then angry. Our feel- ings provide a very useful barometer for us but probably not in the way you
would imagine. It appears as though our feelings are alerting us to something that is wrong out there in our environment, which would elicit thoughts such as, “There she
38 Natural Nutmeg
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