in public – a scenario where ability is temptation enough – but they also were completely undone by their low intelligence and high blood-alcohol level. As a person who parks, I am now concerned with what’s


really in that puddle my small child just splashed through. The entire parking lot is dry, but she found a wet spot, and thanks to these two imbecilic parking-lot piddlers, I can’t be sure it was just water. That goes for a


lot of other parking lot gunk such as dia- pers, tissues, trash, cigarettes and gum. It seems a good rule of thumb that things that have been in your mouth or been in contact with any bodily fluid be disposed of properly.What makes a parking lot the receptacle of choice? To paraphrase Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along and have clean shoes?” Now, I am one of four children and grew up the girl sand-


wich between an older and younger brother, so I can appreciate bathroomhumor and don’t pass out like a ninny over things such as bodily functions. My active imagination played out the scene of the drunk


bozos taking a potty break and terrorizing two innocent female passersby during the process. I can only guess how long it took these two men to comprehend the trouble they were in over a demonstration that most 5-year-old boys would not attempt.


Maybe itwas the nextmorning,when theywoke up incarcerated and hung over, and remembered the events of the night before with shock, shame, regret and disbelief. This is the kind of story that appeals tomyTypeApersonal-


ity and my voyeuristic media consumption habits: Two extreme- ly foolish and intoxicated men who, mind you, could have got- ten on the freeway and done real damage, instead vented their stupidity in away that hopefully


taught


As an individual with a sense of humor and a willing observer in this age of overexposure, I amslightly entertained.


them a valuable life lesson. They were caught, justice will be served, and no one got hurt in any per- manent way. Maybe this col-


umn seems overly


critical ofmen, but it’s really only the few, the drunk, and the ill- bred who do this kind of thing.And I guess if you really have to go and you can do it without getting caught, scaring other peo- ple, defiling a parking lot, or ending up in jail, we can all pre- tend it doesn’t happen. Of course, these two guys were professional football play- ers, so that didn’t help themone bit.


Melissa Bean Sterzick is PT’s amateur parker and proofreader. She can be reached at Melissa@parkingtoday.com.


PT


JUNE 2009 • PARKING TODAY • www.parkingtoday.com 43


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