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THE AMATEUR PARKER … There’s no P(ee) in Parking BY MELISSA BEAN STERZICK


because they were too drunk to know when to quit and much too drunk to realize they should exit the scene quickly, the cops were called and the two were taken in and reportedly charged with obscenity, dis- turbing the peace (for being drunk in public), and lewd conduct.


I This story pushes somany ofmy buttons.As a woman, I am


seriously offended and disgusted, although not totally surprised. As a personwho frequents parking lots, I amhorrified and revolt- ed. And as an individual with a sense of humor and a willing observer in this age of overexposure, I amslightly entertained. As a woman, I already think it’s not fair that men have such


a convenientwaste-management system. It’s the delivery, not the dispenser, I envy, thank you, Dr. Freud. I think it’s the reason men like camping so much more than


women – they aren’t the ones trudging to a filthy, spider-ridden outhouse in the middle of the night or squatting in poison ivy in themiddle of what looked like perfectly harmless weeds. And to add insult to inconvenience, no man is going to be


traumatized or threatened by two drunken women exposing themselves in a parking lot – that’s called Mardi Gras. It’s women, sober women, who fear for their safety when public nudity becomes a factor.You never hear women described as lewd, just men. I don’t know what a woman would have to do to be described as lewd, but a guy can achieve lewdness while vis- iting his grandmother.


Granted, I admit I might think about relieving myself in a


place other than the restroom, if that were a viable option, and especially if I were soggy drunk. But I would only think about it because before I actually did it, the little voice that inhabits my head (call it a conscience, inhibition, or plain old good sense) would stop me.And I think that’s where these guys got in trou- ble. Not only did they have the physical predisposition to tinkle


RECENTLY READ A NEWS ARTICLE about two men arrested for using a parking lot as a toilet. They punctuated their per- formance by flashing two women unfortu- nate enough to drive by at the time. Then,


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JUNE 2009 • PARKING TODAY • www.parkingtoday.com


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