‘Ninja’ Parking Enforcement in EasternWashington


BY ELI MCMALKIN I


ASKED WHILE SHE STARED AT ME blankly, processing the six parking tickets I had received in the last two weeks, and replied, “I don’t think that they do ninja training.”


I was skeptical.After all, the parking


services department here at EasternWash- ington University – and its crack squad of elite parking-lot commandos – is, by far, the most effective department I have seen on this campus. I have never seen a parking lot attendant.This is remarkable,


I don’t think I’m exaggerating too much when I say that, if


the government sent parking lot attendants after Osama bin Laden, he would have been captured by now. In fact, they would have brought the entire al-Qaeda organization down by now. I can imagine the terrorists in their


“I don’t think they do ninja training.”


especially considering some of the tickets I have gotten. There have been a number of occasions when I have parked


in a permit-only lot and then found a ticket on my windshield after being there for only three minutes. How do they do this? I have no idea. All I know is that our parking services department is


top-notch.


caves plotting to blow up America, only to come out and find five or six parking tickets attached to each of their camels. “Oh, Allah, if only one day we will be able to buy explosives instead of paying for parking tickets!” Despite the fact that the parking serv-


ices department takesmost ofmymoney,which Iwrite off as part of tuition, it always makes me feel good. I’m greeted with a friendly smile, and they processmy bills incredibly quickly. I want to thank the parking services department. Without it, I would have become completely jaded by the


system. It is a model of capitalism, a beacon of efficiency. It is the only department I can count on. While everyone else leaves work early on Friday, the park-


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APRIL 2009 • PARKING TODAY • www.parkingtoday.com


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