Jen Fitton answers reader’s problems


Six months ago my husband took early retirement and at first he was happy to be done with work and have more time to relax. However, just lately he seems to be drifting along from day to day as if he is completely aimless. It worries me because he seems to be giving up on life even though he is not an old man. He also seems to be getting more and


more irritable.


ous talk about the future. Ask him how he is feeling about hav- ing retired? Has he thought about what he would like to do next? What other interests would he like to develop, perhaps to supplement his income? Would he enjoy a part- time job that is completely different from his old work? Would he enjoy being involved with a charity? Most men find conversations like this difficult, so don’t nag or hassle him but let him know that you want to help him to find a new sense of purpose and enjoyment that will benefit both of you, and your mar-


riage.


I wonder if your husband made quite a sudden decision to retire and had not really considered what giving up a career would be like? It is understandable that he initially en- joyed the freedom of retirement, but it has perhaps left a gap that now needs to be filled. As well as an in- come, work gives us a structure to life, a sense of purpose, social con- tact, status, and a sense of identity, and all these aspects need to be considered. Your husband’s well-being affects both of you and it may be time for you to take the initiative. Choose a good time and place and tell him that you would like to have a seri-


I’m thirty two and I know you’ll think I’m stupid but I’m sure I’m seriously ill and nobody will be- lieve me. I’ve had a load of tests and the doctor is fed up with seeing me. She’s suggested that I take tablets but I’m frightened I might get addicted. I’m at my wit’s end as I’ve so many aches


and pains and feel awful.


I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so ill and miserable and I don’t at all think you are stupid. When we are anxious we can experience all sorts of weird symptoms which in turn make us feel more tense until we don’t know which way to turn. I’m not qualified as a doctor, so your GP is the best person to advise you about your symptoms; but if she has assured you that you are not physically ill, then you could begin to think about what else might be causing your distress. Think about all aspects of your life: your hus- band or partner, your children, your parents, your work etc. Is someone putting pressure on you? In the past, have things hap- pened to you that you haven’t really got over? Does your life seem to be one big muddle? Are you feeling frustrated about not being able to achieve a goal? What else do you need? Write a list of all your niggling worries and irritations, big and small, and do some detective work to try to find out what might be behind your anxi- ety. Some things might be difficult to acknowledge and you might need to talk to someone about them; but see this as the first step towards tak- ing control, by understanding more about yourself and what might be causing problems in your life.


All letters are treated in confidence. Real names will not be published. Contact Jen using the details opposite.


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