The not so serious side of the industry You CANNOT be serious!
Changing Rooms sex makeover!
Members of Big City Tyres FC returned to their changing room at Hall Park in Eastwood, Nottingham and were confronted with a bizarre arrangement of sex toys and pornography. They were shocked to see a makeshift bed, a bowl full of water containing baby bottles of varying sizes,
pornographic magazines and bottles of baby oil. Defender Robert Dunn
said: “We came back to the changing rooms but it was locked. We were banging on the door and had to get the groundsman to let us in. We couldn’t believe what we saw - we were shocked!” “There were towels made up like a bed and there was a
mirror hanging from a peg.” The peculiar scene also
featured a selection of sex toys, some of which were home-made and “quite large”.
“There are that many keys floating around - it could have been anyone. Whoever put the stuff there did so while the team were playing.” Mr Dunn said there was some concern about the incident because children’s matches were scheduled for later that afternoon. A spokeswoman for the local council said: “We are talking to the security company which looks after Hall Park for us and have informed police.”
... and talking of sex
Beate Uhse, the German chain of sex shops has been forced to withdraw a range of vibrators ‘loosely’ named after current members of the Germany football team. These include Michael B and Olli K with obvious connections to Michael Ballack and Ollie Kahn. The sex shop, however, maintains that it never meant for there to be a connection between the sex toys and the players. Yeah right! So, keep your eye out for some interesting new items in the Pitchcare Shop - The Loz G and the Alastair B.
Stroke index ...
Police are called to a house and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, “Madam, is that your husband?” “Yes” says the woman. “Did you hit him with that golf club?” “Yes,
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yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. “How many times did you hit him?” “I don’t know, six, maybe seven times .... just put me down for a five.”
The groundsman said
GOGGA - if we can be bothered!
YOU may have spotted the odd reference to GOGGA on the Pitchcare message board. No, it’s not some new association designed to muddy the
waters between BIGGA and the IOG but, rather, a ramshackled collection of tetchy folk who would not be out of place on TV’s Grumpy Old Men! GOGGA stands for Grumpy Old Groundsmen & Greenkeepers Association. To date, we have a limited membership because, quite frankly, we can’t be bothered to work at it. We are so blase that we have even let a 30 year old woman, a New Zealander and a ‘young’ South African into our ranks!
Snow joke!
acorns .... The two BTME badges pictured would suggest that at least two of our limited membership are trying to raise the profile of GOGGA with one of them even using his nom de plume Loammeister.
And the unelected President hasn’t got a clue about groundsmanship unless you consider that knowing ‘grass is green’ is a good enough criteria. But, from small
So, if you fancy joining us then, as long as you are grumpy, you are in. Generally, you’ll find one of our number on the message board or, more likely, moaning about this, that and the other whilst propped up against a bar!
across the country with the Midlands being particularly hard hit. Championship side, Wolverhampton Wanderers, had over 6” of snow on the ground during the week but, the following day it had all gone. Even so, the groundstaff were pleased that the weekend game was away to Preston North End, especially as the team had a good win against the league high flyers!
Winter in the UK eh, and what a difference a day makes. Heavy snow in the first week of February swept
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