SPOTLIGHT
Queer Year
by tim parks
In ReVIew
I can’t believe 2009 is over – it seems like yesterday that Lindsay Lohan was a lesbian. Now she’s gone
back over to the other team faster than you can say Anne Heche—guess she won’t be opening that
bar/sauna The Clam Bake for former gal pal Samantha Ronson. Speaking of boobs, but in the singular
and tube sense… there was a resurgence of “our kind” on the small screen with upwards of 30 LGBT
characters on broadcast networks, while their pay channel counterparts included 68 for the 2009-2010
season. Shucks, they missed the magic number by one. While on the big screen—we needed Sherlock
Holmes to bust out his magnifying glass to find out where we were hiding out cinematically. Records
were literally being broken by musical artists that we have embraced without the need for a restrain-
ing order. No year would be complete without celebrities and their brand of shenanigans to keep us
entertained and appalled.
Here’s your looksie…
TV
Heroes’ new catchphrase should have been “Kiss-
ing the cheerleader will raise the ratings, right?” on
It was very easy to spot this year’s “it” item for gay the flagging superhero series. Hayden Panettiere
male couples. Clearly, the “gayby” showcased a went the college experimentation route and
pairing that is more secure than Paula Abdul’s job received a smackeroo from her roommate Madeline
prospects. Modern Family partners Mitchell Pritchett Zima. RuPaul asked a group of drag queens to “lip-
and Cameron Tucker adopted daughter Lily, while sync for their lives” in order to partake in her Drag
Brothers & Sisters Kevin Walker and Scotty Wandell Race on LOGO. If they failed the ladies had to “sashay
are contemplating fertilizing an egg. away.” Are you relieved that Shannel didn’t take
In general, gay kids are all over the place. Family home the trophy? A-nnoying!
Guy creator Seth MacFarlane officially outed baby CBS had the usual token gays on Big Brother and
Stewie and we met Kurt Hummell on Glee, who The Amazing Race, and we queers didn’t fare too bad.
believes in method acting, if you get my drift. Better Kevin Campbell came in third on the former, while gay
watch out Ugly Betty’s Justin Suarez—sounds like brothers Dan and Sam McMillen proved sisters were
they are trying to double team you. Not like that! doin’ it for themselves by placing second on the lat-
The suburban mom on United States of Tara has ter. I’ll assume Survivor: Samoa contestant Shannon
multiple personalities, while her gay son Marshall Waters goes by the nickname Shambo, because her
grapples with his sole sexual identity. mullet resembles Sylvester Stallone’s in Rambo.
As the old saying goes, a kiss is just a kiss and same- Sometimes being runner-up is better than win-
sex characters locked quite a few lips. Ella Simms ning the actual prize. Just look at American Idol’s
planted a big ole wet one on Melissa Saxon on Melrose Adam Lambert. He’s already generating controversy
Place. While her network alum Ed Westwick (Chuck with his American Music Awards performance. He
B-ass) shot down real-life gay rumors by engaging in kissed Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame on-camera…
an on-screen kiss with Josh Ellis on Gossip Girl. big whoop. Oh, that was his male guitarist? I now see
why she is playing Joan Jett in The Runaways biopic.
While I am glad that someone finally got my
memo at VH1 that Divas Live should be resurrected,
I’m not quite sure that they understood what the
term means. The lineup they assembled for this ver-
sion had two potentials (Kelly Clarkson and Jennifer
Hudson), but Miley Cyrus? WTF? That was more like
“Divas Lite!”
38 RAGE monthly | january 2010
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