The Rhythms of Widowhood
My Way
Betty Auchard
Betty Auchard is the author of Dancing in My Nightgown: the rhythms of widowhood 
www.dancinginmynightgown.com.
If Denny were still alive, he would not have done what I For crying out loud! What are you doing?" I can see him
just did invite our son Dave, his family, and their big in the middle of this untidy scene, and I know that he
black dog to live with me while they search for a home. would have been a nervous wreck. I would have been
Several additional bodies, an extra dog, and countless stressed knowing that he was.
boxes of belongings would have been far too disruptive
for Denny. He would have aided their quest for home An incident took place that made me feel that Denny
ownership in a more businesslike way a way that could have supported my decision. I heard the skill saw
involved a spreadsheet, personal loan, low interest rate, running in the shop and figured Dave was up to
papers to sign, and lots of agreements. something. Denny used to drop whatever he was doing to
fix broken stuff, and Dave had the same habit.
Denny was cautious and thorough. He always spent
more time making up his mind than I did. But I only After a while Dave called to his wife, "Nola, come look!"
needed three days to make this decision. I thought about The excitement in his voice reminded me so much of his
how empty this big house was with only my little dog as a dad that I lifted my head in anticipation. Whenever
companion and how good the presence of family Denny completed a project, he called me out to the shop
sounded. As a bonus, I could let my gardener and to see it. How I miss that!
handyman go. I made the decision with my heart,
because I didn't know how to prepare a spreadsheet or a I automatically joined Nola to have a look. Dave had
loan. I know it's not a sound way to make a decision, but I constructed a sturdy, safe "riser" for their little camp
have always been more inclined than Denny to take a stove. Nola and I admired the contraption as Dave
chance. explained his method for securing the stove to the base.
What a familiar scene this was! I couldn't help but say, "It
looks like Dad is back! 
Without lifting his head, Dave replied, "He never left."
Dave's easy statement stayed with me. It certainly feels as
though Denny is still here. I think of him every time I
write a check or hire someone to work at our house. He
probably had more faith in me than I thought he did, or I
couldn't have gone forward so easily with this commune-
like arrangement with our son, his family, their big dog,
Now that they are here, our home has taken on an air of and all their earthly possessions compressed into
cozy clutter. The sheer volume of their belongings is one dwelling. I made this important decision on my
more than storage could hold, and it now fills the garage own.
and has spilled into the house and side yard. In spite of
the mountain of extra "stuff," we're managing to Over a year ago, as I rested beside Denny on the bed, I
function. I don't mind boxes stacked everywhere, the attempted to tell him how I felt about the future when I
intimately rearranged living room, and the extra fence in said, "Honey, I'm not afraid to be alone after you're gone.
the backyard that keeps their big dog off my new lawn. I'll be all right. It's just that I'm going to miss you so
It's only temporary. The washing machine that runs most much." He wasn't comfortable showing emotion, but we
of the time can be replaced when it gives out. Things are both cried a little that night. If he were here right now, it's
falling into place, as I knew they would. possible that he would say, "Betty, I'm so glad you're the
one helping Dave's family this way, because I couldn't
The only dark cloud is that I imagine Denny would have handled it! 
disapprove. Our priorities weren't usually the same, and
it often took much discussion to reach common ground. He would have been right. But this is my way, and I can.
If he were here right now, I can hear him saying, "Bet-ty!
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