by CHERYL DAVIS, JACQUI WHITE AND KELLY VOGTNER T e experience of success and


moving up through the levels of competitive fi gure skating can be both fun and exciting for skaters and their parents. It can also be easy to lose perspective and watch as skating takes over your whole life. Our goal as parents is to help


our children learn the importance of developing a healthy balance be- tween fi gure skating and the other activities in their lives. School, mu- sic, hobbies, family and friends are part of a well-rounded athlete’s life. When they achieve this balance, it helps them gain the confi dence and skills to use in other arenas, in- cluding creating mental toughness. T ese skills also help them take on challenges later in life. When Charlie started playing


hockey, I told him that practicing his violin would make him a better hockey player. He gave me a suspi- cious look when I explained that by using his brain to learn to read mu- sic and translate that visual into the physical action of his fi ngers, playing the notes would help his brain grow. His “better brain” would help him see the plays develop in the game and know how to move his body in the right direction. I didn’t go into the technical details I had read about in a book on the neuroscience of our kids’ brains and how they devel- op, but he agreed that the skills he gained from playing the violin and hockey became valuable tools he could use in his fi gure skating. Nurture your child’s dream,


but keep your eye on reality. More and more hours devoted to training can be counterproductive. In fact, participating in other activities and having limited training time can help athletes focus and make more effi cient use of their practice time. We can let our skaters know that we put the focus on the learning pro- cess, and that we value the progress and the eff ort they put into their practice. We can help them learn to do the same by appreciating and praising the hard work and persever- ance, not just the winning. For most of the 10 years Meryl


and Charlie trained at the Detroit Skating Club, they had an hour practice for freestyle and one and a half hours for dance a day. Meryl would arrive on time and Charlie would come about 30 minutes lat- er because of school. Meryl was part of the gifted and talented program that allowed her to get credit for her skating when she gave a presentation sharing what she had learned from skating that year. T eir coach always


understood that school was a priori- ty for them, and he focused on using their time effi ciently. Another key aspect of balance


is the time athletes spend with their families. Family life, where the skat- er and her/his sport are not the fo- cus, supports the grounded values that will instill resilience, “coachabil- ity” and humility. T ese are import- ant traits for every athlete. Making time for the whole family, where the skater can be the sister, son, or grandchild, allows us a chance to demonstrate how much we value all the members, and it gives the skat- er a chance to take a break from the rink and the limelight. Make every eff ort to balance life so that it doesn’t revolve around the skater, for the benefi t of everyone in the family. Meryl has a brother three years


younger. We worked hard at trying to make his sport and interests just as important as Meryl’s skating. We tried not to linger on skating con- versations, competitions or videos while he was home. When Mer- yl and Charlie went to the 2010 Olympics, we invited Meryl’s broth- er to come watch them compete. He was excited because he had not seen them compete in many years. Following the competition and their winning of the silver medal, Clay was surprised and stated, “I did not know they were so good.” When he went to the celebration following the event, he was shocked at how Meryl was totally immersed in this skating world that he knew so little about. Competitive fi gure skating


off ers so many amazing opportuni- ties for learning life lessons and ex- panding horizons, and parents can focus on helping their child take advantage of those throughout the journey. At the same time, fi gure skating, like any sport, has its risk of injury, overtraining, burnout, etc., and sometimes parents, athletes and coaches can lose perspective on what is most important for the long-term outcome. Each competition is just a snapshot in time, and part of the learning process. T e outcome of any one event does not dictate, or make or break a skater’s career. What matters most is what they learn from it, and how they use that lesson to keep going and improve. Sometimes we can gain insight


from our skater if we listen, like the time I sat in the stands and watched Charlie practice a new jump when he was about 10 years old. He would jump and fall, then jump and fall over and over. When he got off the ice, I asked him how he felt about his


practice. He said it went well, which left me wondering. He said, “Stand back, Mom, and look at this graph.” He drew a graph in the air for me. He said, “Today I’m learning a new jump so it’s a hard day, but I learned a lot. Tomorrow will be better; then I’ll have some more bad days and then better. In the end, even though the days go up and down, the end of the graph is higher than the begin- ning, and so I feel pretty good about that.” I listened and it made a diff er- ence when I saw his perspective. It changed how I looked at his skating for the remainder of his career. Regardless of whether your


child wins an Olympic gold medal or focuses on working his or her way through the test system, there are so many things to be learned and gained from fi gure skating. No one can control the outcome of a compe- tition or many other outside factors that can infl uence a skater’s success, including growth, injuries, coaches or partners along the way. What you can control is your attitude about it, and making sure that your child is learning lessons from the journey that will serve them for many years


to come: goal-setting, focus, perse- verance, sportsmanship, confi dence, humility and a healthy lifestyle. If your child were to never enter an- other competition, what would they have learned from the sport that they can carry with them into col- lege or adulthood? Your attitude can help them learn those lessons. Years ago when Meryl and


Charlie were going through a tough spell in their careers, we talked about skating and what made us feel grate- ful. Meryl and Charlie were grateful for the friends they had made and the cool places they had been, both in the U.S. and in other countries. Cheryl and I knew they had also learned how to manage their time and become responsible and inde- pendent. We all agreed that if they had quit competing at any time, they would have gained so much from their skating journey that it would still have been worth it. T e value of the life lessons learned are beyond measure. Kelly Vogtner is the senior direc-


tor of athlete development at U.S. Fig- ure Skating.


Are You Looking For A Great Skating Opportunity? Come Join the World’s Greatest Skaters!


Feld Entertainment® is looking for Male and Female Skaters for its U.S. and International Tours of Disney On Ice.


For more information, please send a skating resume, photos and current video (3 – 6 minutes), and all contact information to:


Judy Thomas Talent Director and Production Coordinator Feld Entertainment. 2001 U.S. Highway 301. Palmetto, FL 34221 USA Phone (941) 721-1234 • Fax (941) 349-4280 • Email jthomas@feldinc.com


SKATING 61


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