WORKPLACE COLLABORATION
admit we made a mistake or acted inappropriately, we are angry with ourselves for our actions, or we have other excuses we might not want to admit aloud. (People will take a sick day because they are angry with their boss or don’t want to attend a certain meeting. They convince themselves that they are coming down with the fl u.) We rationalize (or speculate) the reasons why others act the way they do. (“They never did like to take responsibility,” “They are having personal problems,” and other such statements.)
Rationalizations are another way of surrendering our accountability. If someone else were at fault, we should not be punished for their actions. When we spout off our excuses, our defense mechanism kicks into gear. It’s part of the fi ght/fl ight reaction. We will argue and become self-protective of our pride, our ego and our job. We do not want to lose our status or have our colleagues think less of us. This way of thinking and our subsequent behaviors deepen frustrations, fuel confl ict, and skew our perspective of reality.
2. “No it didn’t happen that way,” “I would not do that,” “I wasn’t angry, sarcastic, bullying them, stomping around,” “This is how it happened ... “ (They twist the facts to put themselves in a better position.) These statements let you know one of two things: the other person is denying their actions while suppressing their true thoughts and feelings, or they consider their
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behavior appropriate and professional. Denial comes from the inability to accept diffi cult situations or distressing consequences that might aff ect us negatively. Denial is the fl ight part of the fi ght/fl ight reaction. When we deny our actions and present a mental substitution of the situation, we begin to believe our own stories. That can lead to a lack of situation awareness and becomes a safety concern. If you are not aware of what you are doing or saying (excluding the times you are mentally preoccupied), are you aware of what others are saying or doing? A person can believe that their behavior was
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appropriate and professional. They might see nothing wrong with yelling or berating another person. Think of the bosses you have had. How many of them lead by intimidation and believed it was entirely appropriate to degrade another person publically? This reaction promotes secrecy. “Why should I tell you something that will cause me humiliation?” Denial can occur at every level in an organization. Denial preserves a person’s pride and ego, quite possibly to the detriment to the organization. A&P executives denied the way consumers shopped for groceries and kept their decades-old business model. This caused their demise. In contrast, Johnson & Johnson’s CEO did not sidestep the seriousness of its crisis; he also addressed the visible human and emotional side. They were not satisfi ed until they uncovered the root cause and dealt with the public’s concerns. 3. “You’re right,” “I knew immediately afterward that I would regret my actions and words,” “I didn’t know what to say or do,” and all ending with “What do you suggest?” or “I’d like to talk this through.” They agree and subsequently ask you for help and remain open to suggestions, even if they do not agree with you immediately. This is the best response. Your direct
report feels comfortable enough with you to admit mistakes and reveal their vulnerabilities. They do so without fear of repercussion and believe no harm will come from this conversation. I will caution you to remain alert for any signs of distress or behavior changes from them. This could signal they are becoming uncomfortable with the conversation or with their own thoughts.
YOUR ROLE You, as the leader, play a signifi cant role in how your team members respond or react to feedback. They take their cues
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