Tumpline
DON’T MESS WITH MAINE. PHOTO: TIM SMITH
[ WILD RICE ] Old Habits Diehard
ONE MAN’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS WORTH BREAKING
I’m ringing in the New Year as I write this. And what a year it promises to be. Last year, I kept some of my paddling resolutions; the majority, I shamefully haven’t. As I scan my list of newly minted 2013 resolves, I’m proud to say they seem more enlightened. It turns out it is more a matter of idiotic canoeing endeavors not to be repeated than a list of imperatives. First, I’ve vowed not to fix up two strangers in a tandem canoe. My experience as a
matchmaker has yet to prove successful—adding credence to the term “divorce boat.” My latest attempt involved two casual acquaintances of mine, total strangers to one an- other. Naïvely, I thought Ron and Jeff would make an awesome tandem team down a 97-mile, wild stretch of Colorado’s Dolores River. Boy, was I mistaken. From the outset, both were plagued by acute inflated ego, extreme irritability and a
couple of nasty capsizes. All of this culminated in a brief fistfight on day one of our five- day journey. It was the trip from hell for the mismatched pair, which, naturally, affected the rest of our group. Still, something inside me tells me that, somewhere out there, there are two paddlers who don’t yet know each other, but will become lifelong friends, or lovers. If only I could pair them up in a canoe. I’ve also vowed not to challenge a Maine master guide to a canoe poling contest. These
lumberjack-tough canoeists possess the most difficult-to-obtain guiding licenses in the U.S. The last time I threw down the gauntlet, I embarrassed myself so badly that my wife feigned she didn’t know me. It was only 30 seconds into the testosterone-driven race when I was rather spectacularly ejected from my canoe. As I crawled out of the water, pulling my flooded boat behind me, I made the disheart-
ening mistake of glancing up at my adversary. To my utter amazement, the scrawny guide, complete with chicken legs and a ZZ Top chest-length beard, was not only poling effortlessly upstream into a class III rapid, but was standing atop the gunwales while do- ing so. I heard there’s a 79-year-old master guide itching to take me on but a man’s pride can only take so much abuse. Finally, I have emphatically stated that I will never again agree to go canoeing in the
North Country during the height of black fly and mosquito season. My longtime pad- dling buddies will tell you that I’ve been making this resolution every year for the last 35 years. Alas, I was recently invited on a 10-day trip down Manitoba’s Seal River in July and I couldn’t turn down the opportunity. I guess some resolutions are just made to be broken. An avid paddler from Buena Vista, Colorado, Larry Rice has managed to canoe on all seven continents, which had absolutely nothing to do with a New Year’s resolution.
www.canoerootsmag.com 31
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84