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MISFIT


A new chutzpah I


thought I had seen everything, from the shoplifters who sat down on the steps of the Police Station across the road to check out their loot to the lady who “killed” her husband to try to get me to drop the price of a pair of shoes for his funeral while he was sitting in the car outside, but


yesterday a customer, if that is the right word, tried a new stunt. She had come in looking for a certain style of a certain brand which she tried on and then decided to think about it. No doubt she thought we did not know she was checking it out with a view to buying the right size when she filled in her order to buy it by mail or on the internet but we don’t really mind these punters because they are always in and out quickly, they help to make the place look busy and very occasionally they actually buy something. Fair enough, but this particular specimen went ahead and bought from


her favourite internet supplier and found they did not fit as well as the shoe had tried on in our shop. Why this should be I do not know, possibly the configuration of her feet had changed slightly, or maybe there was a slight variation in manufacture, or, dare I make such a suggestion, madam had changed her mind. Whatever the reason she appeared in our shop


maintaining that as we had deceived her as to the fit of the shoes it was our fault and we should give her a refund! She did this, as ever, on a busy Saturday afternoon, not long before closing time, and happened to be dealt with by a young member of staff who had just joined us. Our training programme has, for some reason I am unable to account for, never included how to deal with this eventuality, so the young salesperson had to consult me as to the correct procedure in such cases. My first reaction was that junior was being


There may have been some criminal aspect to what was going on, but I


have yet to work out what the scam was. All sorts of possibilities, from theft to fraud to money laundering have since gone through my mind, but at the end of the day I have other things to put said mind to. The bottom line was that no way was I going to give her the money


back, and she was refusing to leave without it. Closing time had by then arrived and my staff wanted to go home as did I. I looked at them wondering if we had the muscle to contemplate the use of force but ruled that out because she was larger and nastier than any of us. There was nothing for it but to threaten to get the police. This had no effect, so we had to send someone across the road to the Police Station. Moments later a constable arrived and removed her. The silly girl had not noticed how near the cop shop was. Dear reader, you may be surprised that I thought of using force but my


mind went back to the glorious moment in the days when I was an agent. A small gentleman in the shop I was visiting was protesting volubly about his shoes which were guaranteed for a year. It was obvious from the way


subjected to some sort of elaborate windup on the part of her colleagues, along the lines of being sent to get a left handed screwdriver. We have never had the sort of atmosphere among the staff which lends itself to these sorts of activities, and I do not favour them, but I told myself there was always a first time and sallied forth trying to decide whether to join in the joke or gently reprimand the perpetrators. I approached the customer in like jocular vein, saying that she could not


The bottom line was that no way was I going to give her the money back, and she was refusing to leave without it. Closing time had by then arrived and my staff wanted to go home as did I. I looked at them wondering if we had the muscle to contemplate the use of force but ruled that out because she was larger and nastier than any of us.


they smelt they had been on his feet for much longer than that. Eventually the argument escalated to the point when the customer threatened to punch the manager who simply called out “Joe!” A veritable mountain of a man appeared from the back of the shop, picked up the wee customer by his collar and dumped him squawking loudly on the pavement outside. The days you could get away with that sort of customer relations are


be serious. Big mistake. She immediately got on her high horse and insisted we give her a refund. Useless for me to explain that as we had not had her money in the first place there was no reason for us to give it back. Suggesting she wrapped up the shoes and took them to the post office, or carried out whatever procedure the internet company had prescribed and get her money back that way brought a fiercely negative response. She insisted that because we were stockists of the brand concerned we


were part of their business. I suspect that her real reason was that she could not be bothered to make a parcel and take it to the Post Office, which I can understand, since they delight in humungous queues here.


10 • FOOTWEAR TODAY • OCTOBER 2011


long past. Ambulance chasing lawyers would come charging out of the woodwork in their droves. Six, maybe seven, figure damages would result. I rather hope that our event is not a harbinger of things to come, but if it isn’t we going to live in interesting times as the internet people take our customers away while the same customers expect us to supply the service they don’t. I was cheered last week when I logged on to Amazon to try to spend the gift token someone gave me for my birthday when I noticed they are having a massive sale of shoes. If they have any sense they will get out of the shoe game and concentrate on putting the booksellers out of business and leave us alone.


www.footweartoday.co.uk


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