ROCKtheBOAT by alex matthews
Strategies to Score T
What is your guide really thinking?
he primary goal of any guide worth his or her salt is to keep clients safe. The second goal is hooking up with someone on the trip. Most companies have strict policies regarding guides dating customers: generally it is mandatory to share all juicy details with the management and other guides in order to ensure an accurate tally of the season’s totals for each guide. As with safety procedures, it’s vital to doc- ument the best methods and pass them on for the professional development of our colleagues. Many var- ied strategies to score can be employed, some subtle, others less so:
1. Strive for consistency. If at all possible, you should try to kiss the girl for the first time in the same (geographical not anatomical) location on every trip. This way you’ll never have trouble remembering where that “perfect first kiss” hap- pened with every client over several seasons. What if she comes back next year? You may think that you’ll remember, or that it won’t come up, but the inability to accurately recall this salient detail can derail any possibility of repeat business.
2. Keep notes. Palm Pilots are excellent for this purpose, and they make you look professional and organized. It may appear as if you’re checking the guest list for any possibly dangerous food allergies in the group while you are actually seeing when Trish/Cindy/Whoever was born. This way you know you’ll be right when, on the first night beneath a spray of stars, you shyly ask her if she’s a Virgo. Yes? “Ah,” you smile ruefully and quietly say. “I knew it just by watching you.” Point out her constellation.
3. Increase your odds: eliminate competition. The greatest risk may appear to be getting “shot down.” Incorrect—the greatest risk is your guiding partner scoring while you remain solo. If you are working with another male guide, and he has a significant other, always go on and on about how much you like his mate. It doesn’t matter how briefly you met this person (if at all), or how little you know her, just keep nattering on about how special she is and how lucky your fellow guide is. Expand on how you would love to be able to be in a stable relationship like your coworker; how lucky they are and how you can’t wait to become
You are the alpha male.
12 Summer 2003
illustration by Scott Van de Sande
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