TUESDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2010


KLMNO


EZ RE


C5 Facially scarred uncle might welcome kids’ curiosity


Adapted from a recent online discussion.


Dear Carolyn: My brother-in-lawwas in a bad


car accident this summer, and his face required a lot of cosmetic surgery. His scarring is significant. My two small children haven’t


seen him since then, and I’m nervous about holiday get- togethers. The kids are at an age where it’s almost impossible to predictwhat they will think is worth mentioning (my older child mortifiedmeby asking her dark- skinned teacherwhy her skinwas so dirty). This is a very depressing time formy brother-in-lawand I don’twant to make thingsworse— should I find away to put off the kids’ seeing him till they’re a little older?


Anonymous Treating him like a scary


monster and keeping your kids away is not the way to help a loved one through a depressing time. That may not be your intent, but that’s what you’re doing. Yes, it’s impossible to filter


kids completely. But it sounds as if both your kids and their uncle need each other right now.He could use some of the sweetness and natural acceptance that kids offer, and the kids could use a lesson in accepting differences in people. To make their initial encounters go as smoothly as possible, tell your kids that their uncle looks different on the outside but is the sameUncle Frank on the inside. And, warn your brother-in-lawthat your kids are going to be curious and might say out loud some things that adults never would.No doubt he knows that, but a


and make the “inappropriate” comments before they see him. Anonymous 2


A simple and elegant solution, thanks. CAROLYN HAX


reminder couldn’t hurt. Make sure you supervise and


teach during their first couple of encounters—give factual answers to your kids’ questions where warranted, or let him do it, and let them know gently when a question is impolite.


Re: Uncle: Get a picture. He’s an adult; he


knows he is scarred; he can probably understand that the children need to be prepared. Use the picture to prepare the children—it will allowthem to ask all the “embarassing” questions


Re: Uncle: I second you on your response,


Carolyn. Once, in a shoe store with my kids, therewas another customer with only one eye. My younger sonwent up to this man and asked himwhy he had only one eye. The man said, “Letme ask you something: Are you 6 years old?” My son, surprised, said hewas. Then the man turned tomeand toldmethat itwas almost always and only the 6-year- oldswho spoke to him directly. And then he explained tomy son that his eye had to be removed, but hewas fine. Itwas really touching to see howwell this man dealt withmy child. Clearly he had


HINTS FROM HELOISE Hot chocolate a la Heloise


Dear Heloise: Please print the Heloise homemade hot chocolate recipe again. Iwanted to make it for the holidays. I read your column every day. Thank you.


Judy in Virginia


Judy, it’smy pleasure.Here’s what you’ll need:


2 cups powdered milk 1/4 cup cocoa 1 cup confectioners’ sugar Dash of salt 1/3 cup powdered nondairy


creamer 1 to 2 tablespoons malted milk powder (optional)


Tipping can be tricky! In


Combine these ingredients thoroughly and store in a tightly sealed container. To serve, spoon about 4 tablespoons of the mix into a mug, fill with boiling water and mix. You also can use equal amounts of sugar substitute and malted milk powder instead of the creamer to make a richer-tasting drink, but then use only 1 tablespoon and an 8-ounce cup. Enjoy!


Dear Heloise: Have you ever made chocolate-


covered cookies, crackers or pretzels? Dipping items is not an easy chore every time.


I have found that if I melt the


chocolate in a double boiler, then place a fewpretzels (etc.) on a potato masher and carefully dip it into the chocolate until covered (and remove towax paper),my project is done in no time and with littlemess.


Sheryl in Montana


Dear Heloise: When I pulled outmy


nutcrackers this year, I found that theywere not doing a good job of cracking some extra-strong walnuts. I retrieved a newpair of slip jointwater pump pliers,


commonly called “channel locks,” frommyworkshop. They adjust to suit any size nut, the teeth do not slip, and they have much more mechanical advantage than ordinary nutcrackers.


L.Q. in Florida


Dear Heloise: I have a question about tipping


in a restaurant. Dowe tip a percentage of the full bill (including tax), or dowe tip the percentage before the tax is calculated? Thank you very much!


P.F., Erie, Pa.


general, the tip should equal between 15 percent and 20 percent of your total tab, BEFORE tax. Your tip reflects the good service that you receive. If you are using a coupon, tip based on the amount of the meal before the coupon discount, because the server has done the job! You can tip more for excellent service. With the holidays coming up,


some people also like to tip their housekeeper, gardener and apartment handyman. For these folks, a gift or gift card would be nice. P.S.: Please tip well when you feel like you have been served


well!


Dear Readers: With winter approaching and


people spending more time indoors, now is the perfect time to change the batteries in smoke and carbon-monoxide detectors. Take a fewminutes to do this simple chore. It’s essential for the safety of your family and your home.


Send a hint to Heloise, P.O. Box 795000, San Antonio, Tex. 78279-5000, fax it to 210-HELOISE or e-mail it to Heloise@Heloise.com. Please include your city and state. © 2010, King Features Syndicate


developed his response over time, and it seems tomethat itwould be a loving gesture to the brother- in-lawto have his own little relatives help him develop his response.


Anonymous 3


Aw. Thanks for that. Ironic, isn’t it, that as soon as


people are old enough to grasp how hurtful comments and staring can be, they start avoiding, which might be most hurtful of all.


3Read the whole transcript or join the discussion live at


noon Fridays at washingtonpost.com/discussions.


Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St.NW,Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost.com.


NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST


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