R E A C T I O N A R Y > > > A S K B E N
ON KIDDING YOURSELF, BEING HARD
UP AND NAKED
After seven valiant years of keeping up with the feedback generated by
Ben Aylsworth’s Reactionary column, our mail room staff has finally given us an ultimatum: From now on Ben will have to deal with his own mail. With this issue we launch Ben’s new column in which he answers your paddling questions—the serious and silly, the inquisitive and the inane.
I’m the best paddler I know.
How do I get sponsored? Dell Ushan Golden, British Columbia
What? You’re the best paddler you know? Then I’d ask you, EJ, what more do you want? You already own a kayak company. How much more sponsored can you be? Or maybe you mean the best paddler you actually
know? Well, as a paddler that is a) not good enough to get sponsored and b) way too controversial to be connected to any company, I decided to put your question to Shane Benedict, owner and designer of Liquidlogic kayaks (but if you’re the best paddler you know, I’m sure you already know him). Benedict: “To be sponsored by Liquidlogic you
have to be nice. You can’t be a wanker and be on team Liquidlogic, unless you’re me. Our sport is really close-knit. I like having nice people rep- ping Liquidlogic because that’s what paddling is all about—hanging out with your buds, meeting new people and spreading the love.” So there you go. But Benedict wasn’t done. He
wanted to rant a bit about the misconceptions sur- rounding sponsorship. And since I’m paid by the word: “It’s funny how much emphasis is put on the spon-
sorship thing. Lots of people have come into the sport of paddling thinking of how cool it would be to be sponsored and travel and compete, only to quit because they became disillusioned with how much they put in and how little they got back out. The real pay-off is just hanging out in the eddy or cruising the river with your buddies. If you try to put a price on your paddling, you’re kidding yourself.”
Why don’t more
women paddle? Manny O’toole Buckhorn, Ontario
Man, I wish I knew! So many single, horny men—it’s sad, really. We’re so hard up. Which probably ex- plains why we hit virtually every Montreal strip club at pro paddler Dave Tiedje’s recent stag. Although being hard up doesn’t explain why pro paddler Dave Nieuwenhuis got so drunk he threw up in the Level Six Cup and then passed out under a truck. Then again, maybe it does—Dave has a girlfriend but she doesn’t paddle and lives in North Bay—what else can he do but drink? So listen up ladies, if you want to learn a new sport and meet men, paddling is paradise.
Why do so many paddlers
insist on being nudists? Prue Moody St. John, New Brunswick
I suppose the real question is why do so many peo- ple insist on wearing clothes? When paddling, you’re out in the woods, your natural environment. The only thing not natural about it is the day-glow, overpriced synthetic “membranes” we wrap ourselves in. Are you telling me you prefer to cover up rather than having the warm sun on your body and the air blow- ing freely between your legs? That’s why I’m usually naked or wearing a skirt. Did someone tell you that you should be ashamed of your body? Me, I have no shame. The more naked I am, the better I look.
Send Ben your questions at
ben@rapidmedia.com 24
RAPID
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