10 K AYA K R O L L S you will (probably) never need
Although competitors at the Greenland National Kayaking Championships are judged on 35 different capsize manoeuvres, it’s hard to imagine any practical use for such obscure skills as the armpit roll or the cross-arm roll. We can con- fidently say the two rolls we teach you in this issue are all you need. Unless, that is, you find yourself in one of the following predicaments.
1. YOU FLIP WHILE REACHING INTO YOUR DAY HATCH You are struggling to dig lunch out of the bottom of your day hatch when you tip into the drink. Fortunately, if you wisely held onto your paddle, you’re perfectly set up to do… the behind the back roll.
2. YOU DISLOCATE A SHOULDER Nothing funny about this. If you’re prone to arm injuries, you’ll want to have a one- armed roll up your sleeve, starting with this one… the armpit roll.
3. YOU HAVE A CHRONIC ITCH You’ve dropped your paddle and reached into your paddling jacket to give your back a good scratch when a gust of wind knocks you over. Not a problem if you’ve learned and practiced… the elbow roll.
4. YOU GET CAUGHT WITH A PADDLE DOWN YOUR PANTS Even after that elbow manoeuvre and your nightly rituals with Gold Bond, you still can’t reach those deep-down itches. Then, a revelation: you’ve got the world’s largest backscratcher in the palms of your hands! And when paroxysms of ecstasy cause you to flip with your paddle sticking up the back of your farmer john, you’re okay, as long as you’re a master of… the spine roll.
5. YOU MIX UP YOUR LEFT AND YOUR RIGHT It happens all the time. You pick up the paddle the wrong direction, you’ve got the left blade by your right hand and those up- side-down company logos look so embar- rassing. While you rush to straighten things out before anybody notices, boom, you get love-rubbed by a lonely killer whale and you flip with your hands crossed at the wrists. Time to break out… the cross-arm roll.
6. YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR UP FROM YOUR DOWN Are you supposed to hold the paddle shaft above the deck of the kayak or below the hull underwater? It’s so hard to remember. The shaft passes underneath the boat and then you grasp it with both hands, right? Okay, this isn’t the most efficient way to paddle. But you don’t have to worry when you capsize from exhaustion, just so long as you can do…the under-the-hull sculling roll.
7. YOU FORGET YOUR PADDLE AT HOME But you did happen to bring along your nor- saq, the trusty Greenlandic harpoon launch- er. Righting yourself will be no problem if you’ve perfected… the throwing stick roll.
8. YOU BOUGHT A NEW CAMERA You’re so engrossed in figuring out the but- tons and dials that you don’t notice when the fancy gear around your neck pulls you off balance. It’s a good thing the weight of your new digital SLR and 200mm lens totals about eight kilos—almost exactly the same amount as the stone you used to practice… hand rolling with a brick.
9. YOU HAVEN’T KICKED THE HABIT You’ve got one smoke left for the last few days of trip. Finally, you can’t take it any longer. You let your health-freak friends slip on ahead. You drop your paddle and bring the lighter to your lips just as you get broad- sided by a rogue wave. Good thing you’re a grand master of… the cigarette roll.
10. YOU JUST ESCAPED FROM CUSTODY And since both your arms are bound up in restraints, it wasn’t a very good idea to try and run away by kayak. But then if judg- ment and foresight had been your strong suits you wouldn’t have ended up in that padded room in the first place. Alas, just as this tidbit of wisdom crosses your synapses, you flip. And this would be the last mistake of your life if you hadn’t once been sane enough to learn… the straightjacket roll. —Tim Shuff
PHOTOS BY ROCHELLE RELYEA
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