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KLMNO

By Frank Longo • Edited by Peter Gordon • www.fireballcrosswords.com

ACROSS

The Post Puzzler No. 6

1 Like many a fl ipping diver’s body position

6 Business executive who was Time’s 1999 Person of the Year

NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST

Oversensitive girlfriend rubs him the wrong way

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend is extremely

oversensitive and I don’t know how to broach it with her. I’m tired of walking on eggshells because she might take a joke wrong, and I find I’m no longer myself around her. I know you will ask me to look at myself to see if I’m the problem — I’m not. This is affecting every aspect of her life, including her job and family. She is always up in arms about her mom favoring her sister (not true) or taking an innocent comment from her boss and blowing it way out of proportion. Forget making a joke — I’ve learned the hard way. But part of oversensitivity is defensiveness, so it’s a bit of a catch-22. How does one broach the subject with someone when it is sure to go badly? I don’t want to dump her, but it’s heading that way. Is being oversensitive so ingrained that someone can’t change the behavior? Part of me thinks this is a lost cause. She’s so sweet and loyal and I feel terribly guilty that I am so close to giving up on her.

Oversensitive girlfriend

Actually, you are the problem: You’re looking for reasons to stay with someone whose companionship you openly don’t enjoy. Your girlfriend is who she is. She’s

touchy, defensive, punitive and not receptive to reason. She is also giving you no cause to believe she wants to change, intends to change, or thinks she needs to change. History says it’s quite the contrary: Defensiveness is just resistance to any suggestion that she needs to change.

Breaking up with people is no fun,

and it’s even harder when the person you’re dumping is showing signs of being vulnerable, ill, damaged or emotionally compromised in any other way. For your girlfriend to have her defenses jacked this high, and to be so resistant to holding herself accountable for anything, there has to be a fragile core indeed that she’s so intent on protecting.

Your face won’t wind up on a dollar coin for your heroics, but it is actually better to heed the impulse to bail than it is to ignore it. In this particular case, at least: People who already have the responsibility for a child have to shoulder that responsibility, whether they want to or not, even if it means they force themselves to want to. But people who don’t have children counting on them yet, and who don’t foresee ever wanting to be in that spot, owe it to everyone involved — child, parent and themselves, in order of priority — to bail, ideally before even the flimsiest bonds start to form.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071,

or tellme@washpost.com.

at www.washingtonpost.com/discussions.

ASK AMY

It’s never too late to honor the dearly departed

Dear Amy: I hope you can guide me. My husband’s 87-year-old mother died in November. In January his younger brother died, and last week he lost his father. We live in a small city, and all of these relatives lived here for a few years at one time or another. No obituaries were ever put in the

paper, but at this time I would like to enter one for each of these special people. Have we waited too long for his mother and brother? There are local people we see only occasionally who I think would like to know, but I don’t want to just pick up the

phone and call them. Any thoughts?

Wondering

Many newspapers have paid death notices, where you can memorialize someone, including biographical information and a photo. Call your paper or check its Web site to see what the guidelines are.

Online obituaries and memorials are also increasingly common (and can be very helpful in terms of notifying people of a person’s passing). People reading these memorials can sign an online guest book and leave (and read others’) memories. Check legacy.com (or do a search for “online obituaries”) to see how this works. It’s never too late to remember people you have loved.

Dear Amy: My next-door neighbors are very nice. But one of them is constantly watching the comings and goings of my family. She has made mention of the time the lights go out at our house each night. She has commented on the length of time my husband takes on his runs or bike rides.

I can feel her watching me load the kids into the car. I find myself closing the blinds and feeling a bit creeped out. Any suggestions?

A Private Person

You should tell your neighbor, very honestly (and nicely), “It makes me uncomfortable that you seem to be monitoring our comings and goings. It’s great to have a neighbor who pays attention, but I’m not used to scrutiny and really don’t like it. If you’re going to watch that closely, unless our house is on fire, it would probably be best if you didn’t tell me about it.”

Dear Amy: I have several grandchildren, ages 18

to 28. I’ve always sent them birthday cards and presents for their birthdays. I recently had a birthday and received neither cards nor telephone calls from any of them.

Am I too sensitive in thinking that they

could well have bothered to take note of my birthday in some way? I’m debating whether to just send them birthday cards from now on and skip the presents.

Hurt

I agree about eliminating presents for these adults. A card will let them know you’re thinking of them. I certainly hope they step up and demonstrate that they are also thinking about you.

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@ tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

© 2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services

ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays

CAROLYN HAX

But you can’t let pity obscure the

truth: You don’t love being with her, and a boyfriend who doesn’t love being with her isn’t what she needs to get happy, or get well, or whatever she needs to get. Even though it will be painful for her, please allow her to feel the full consequences of expecting the world to do things her way. Tell her you’re through tiptoeing. Compassion demands it.

Dear Carolyn: How wrong of me is it to bail on a

woman I’m dating when I just found out she has a child? If it matters, I am also female, and we are both 32.

Pennsylvania

15 Lacking a point 16 Same old offerings 17 Punching-out period? 18 Unable to fi nd land, perhaps 19 “___ Song” (1974 No. 1 hit) 21 Letters above a tilde 22 River port on the Danube 23 Starbucks offerings 24 “Breaking Bad” broadcaster 27 Signed off on 29 Lang. related to Aleut 30 Chunky 32 Delta fl iers? 36 Notice that can prevent a bad reaction

39 With no way to get out 40 One way to salivate 41 Puts in a good word for, say 42 Ballplayers Linares and Olivares

43 Often-ripped things 45 Often-fl ipped thing 47 “Compact Forest Proposal” musician

48 Medieval protection against invasion

49 First thing a stripper might take off

52 Boat people fl ed from it in the ’70s

54 Very resilient, as a tree branch

56 Ulterior motive

ANSWER TO LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE

M OUN T A I N C A T RE F IN D O O R V O I C E OL E ST A R O F I N D I A BI N TO L D

NE E D S TM C

SP L I C E S RI T C H I E CAP

C R OON

ST P RI C C I AI M A T PO L A R C O O RD I N A T E AT A R I TW A I N SE X EN T E R

RE M

AMA S S E D ST R I P E S MP H ON I C E

LA M A

MO E VA G U E N O T I O N AL A EM I L Y B R O N T E NE D RE N T A C E N T E R

49 50 51 56 61

63

39 40 41

45 52 57 46 53 58 59

60 Number system in which 5 + 5 = 12

61 Offered no outlet 62 Soeur’s sibling 63 Dwarf 64 Western settings

DOWN

1 PNC Park player 2 Like hallucinations and mirages

3 Largest town on Molokai 4 Heath’s role in “Brokeback Mountain”

5 Frankie Avalon’s “___ Dinah” 6 Third qtr. starter 7 Paraguayan pronoun 8 A hotspur has a short one 9 1980 fi lm directed by Anne Bancroft

10 Artifi cial fl ies used for trout and salmon

11 New newt 12 Early fi lm actress Pitts 13 Alejandro and Fernando pitched with him on the 1980s Dodgers

14 Clothing line

15 17

19 23

29 36 37 30

20 Zen enlightenment 25 Mediterranean home to many tax exiles

26 2/2, musically 28 Teeth in front? 30 “Scooby-doo” producer, perhaps

31 Cobra relative 33 Big name in Continental chopper production

34 Be noticeably different 35 Pseudoscientifi c study 37 Title “Yeshiva Boy” of a 1962 short story

38 Back to back 39 Interrogator’s red fl ag raiser 44 Shags, e.g. 46 Fixes, as hose 48 Very little 49 She had a Top 10 hit with “Bag Lady”

50 They’re often teamed up 51 Very little 53 Knee concealer 55 “The Te of Piglet” author 57 Lines that can lift people up 58 Odeur detector 59 Creator of NASA

12345 678910 16

18 20 24 25 26 31 38 21 27 32 28 33 34 35 22 11 12 13 14

SUNDAY,MAY 16, 2010

42 47

54 55 60

62 64 48

43

44

TODAY’S HOROSCOPE

Holiday Mathis

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Throw out the list of things you are supposed to do today. Dare to wing it. You’ll probably accomplish everything that was on the list and more — and yet your approach will be more free and fun-loving.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You will likely go deeper into the

state of mind you are already in. So if it’s not a positive one, you will need to take drastic measures to pull yourself in a new and improved direction.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

The way you see yourself is not the

way you are. It is this way with everyone. Use this to your advantage now by thinking only the best about yourself. You will rise up to meet the image of yourself in your mind’s eye.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

The different characters in your world will mix and mingle in interesting combinations. The fun happens when someone you know well meets someone you don’t know at all.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

The contemporary spiritual teacher

Eckhart Tolle wrote, “I have lived with several Zen masters, all of them cats.”

Follow your feline instincts. They will align you with the great forces of the universe.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

In your spectacular fantasy world, celebrities blend with normal people, piles of money are given to you for no reason, and it’s always your favorite kind of weather outside. Your real life will match up in some small way today.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)

When you see something that is clearly wrong, you speak up. But most of today’s errors fall into a nebulous gray area. It’s better to hold your tongue until you learn more.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)

What can you accomplish alone? Quite a lot more than you thought you would have to. This hard work may be unavoidable, but at least it is gaining you the respect and admiration of your peers.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You have a cheerful view of the very things that other people are fretting and moaning about. If you try to pull them too abruptly into your optimism, you’ll lose them or, worse, make an enemy. Ease them into the light.

CUL DE SAC

Richard Thompson

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Positive changes at home are the theme, from rearranged furniture to new agreements between family members. Improved listening makes this possible. Everyone will be more attentive to your needs.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Doing your own thing was always more important than following the herd, but lately you’ve grown a little weary of the maverick lifestyle. A trip home might do you good.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Be bold. Find satisfaction in your world, even when it seems to elude those around you. You are a lucky and successful person who makes life the way you want it to be.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAY | MAY 16: Keep an

open mind about what it will take to make this the best year of your life. Past ideas about success will morph into something more significant. You’ll be inspired to love in a way that you couldn’t before. Your past generosity will be returned in June. Career goals shift, and there may be a move in July. Pisces and Virgo people adore you.

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