“Darling” I said, “Are we prepared
for any eventuality?”
“Sure,” said John. We were in
the main saloon of the Inuksuk. I was
sitting comfortably in front of our
flickering Dickinson propane heater
with my knitting and a cup of cocoa.
John, stretched out on the starboard
settee berth, was watching Tia Carrere
on TV break into a musty crypt holding
a battery-operated flashlight.
“Which eventualities are we
prepared for?” I asked.
“Oh, lots of them,” said John.
“Which ones exactly?” I insisted.
“Well, fire,” John began. He reached
for a lighter and idly lit the candles in
the candalebra sitting on the table.
“Three fire extinguishers, a bucket
and an axe – check,” I said promptly.
“Explosion-prevention,” said John.
“One propane sniffer, a portable
home-made bilge-blower, and my own
detection system I call the ‘head-in-
the-bilge-inhaler.’ You get to stand by
in case I pass out,” I added. “I’d hate to
drown in the bilge.”
Safety F
irst
By Catherine Dook
“And I’d hate to have you drown veils and diaphanous pantaloons and “Darling, there are no pirates in
in the bilge,” said John gallantly. “How belly-button jewelry. these waters.”
would I ever get your body up the “So what else are we prepared “But we’ll be ready for them as
companionway if you were wedged for?” soon as they get here,” John argued.
between the floorboards?” “Sinking,” said John. “How DOES I sighed. “One Spanish-American
“Darling,” I said, blowing him a she do those high-kicks?” sword draped with the lanyard from
kiss past the guttering candles, “You “Electric bilge pumps, manual bilge your British Army uniform.”
think of everything.” pumps, buckets, an EPIRB and a 4-man “Might come in handy some day,”
“I’d have to cut apart the ceiling liferaft,” I said. “And what else?” said John. “Also, you could poison
with the fire-axe and build a frame “Getting lost. Tia Carrere doesn’t them with your fruitcake.”
so I could winch your body out of get lost. She ALWAYS finds her way “True,” I said. “This year’s batch
there. I’d use a length of mooring line out of the secret tunnel.” was particularly vile.”
because I don’t think a halyard would “Four radios, two of them VHS, “One would think you’d have
hold the weight. I have a spare block two GPS, a foot-high stack of charts learned how to do it or given up by
somewhere.” His voice trailed off and and the cell phone numbers of those now,” John grumbled.
his attention returned to Tia Carerre, neighbors whose boats have working “People may say the same about
who was desperately fighting with engines,” I said. our sailing,” I observed unkindly to
three harem-girls dressed in pastel “Pirates.” nobody in particular. “People may
Port
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