P30 Arkwright :SGBGolf_NEW_template 24/04/2009 09:28 Page 28
Arkwright
ARKWRIGHT
THE INDEPENDENT VOICE
T
he holiday didn’t quite go to in England. With that the waitress lost is that if only all supporters would
plan but once I’d been her smile, dropped her order pad and wear their lucky knickers when
discharged from hospital said in perfect English “I can see England play results could improve
things seemed to pick up. The flight you’ve hurt your leg but did you hit dramatically and, even better, if the
went fine; I wasn’t that nervous your head at the same time? Cats have players wore some lucky knickers too
surprisingly and as a believer in nothing to do with Easter, except (their own or their WAGS as some of
accepting in-flight hospitality any possibly in your would-be bi-lingual them have been reported having a
shaky moments I did have soon mind. Now, do you want two hot penchant for), 1966 would no longer
evaporated. Scheduled flights chocolates or will you hop off like the be the only year when we stood tall in
definitely work out cheaper for chocolate bunnies?” I suggested she the beautiful game. I gave up stocking
someone like me who likes to have might enjoy a refresher course at the the replica shirt when Umbro shafted
more than their share of the drinks us all a few years ago but with some
trolley! Disappointingly spirits are no old aertex shirts I found at the back of
longer available on the early morning
. . . Back from
the stock room, a couple of waterproof
flights apparently (dawn had already felt tips and the help of next door’s
broken so not that early really) but
the holiday I
six-year-old (correction: six and a half
wine sufficed. Blue skies welcomed us as he reminded me when he explained
in Geneva and I could feel my joints why he had numbered one of the shirts
ease, things were looking good. Then
was shocked
thus), I’ve made some pretty good
it struck! Aahhh! As we left the copies. Most find them hard to tell
baggage hall a whirling luggage trolley
at the new
apart from the real thing and any
broke lose from someone’s grip and misgivings are soon dealt with once
crashed into the back of my ankle. The
England shirt
they hear my bargain price.
result being that before I’d so much as
put my big toe in a ski boot my leg
unveiled while
What I consider was a design fault at
was in plaster but on the plus side, the time our premises were built
despite an unplanned excursion to the means the chippy created an over-
hospital and missing lunch, we were in
I’d been
generous window ledge and as a
Chamonix in comfortable time for consequence people think they can use
après ski. High on painkillers I was
left in the corner of a bar singing,
gone… . . .
it as a resting place for their bottoms
or a foot rest while they tie their laces,
“Always look on the bright side” while much to my irritation. I’ve tried asking
the others went off to get their skis and them nicely to desist from doing so,
boots. charm school before taking my custom tapped the window and motioned to
elsewhere.Back from the holiday I was shoo them away and on occasions
During the stay I drew on the skills shocked at the new England shirt even shouted at the most annoying; all
gained at my French classes and that unveiled while I’d been gone… to very little co-operation. I was
proved enormously successful until ranting about it again recently when
one afternoon I nonchalantly asked a Back from the holiday I was shocked Saturday Boy said, “Calm down Sir
waitress for “deux chocolates chats” at the new England shirt unveiled Alan,” (he likes playing The
instead of “deux chocolates chauds”. I while I’d been gone. But if the world Apprentice) “I’ll fix ‘em”. He went off
don’t know what came over me to can have the wool pulled over its eyes to wash the windows then, shortly
make such a mistake but she was for years by a load of bankers and after he’d finished and was back in the
obviously used to idiot English and politicians why should I be surprised shop, we heard a commotion outside
before I could correct myself she said, at this embarrassment being passed off and when we looked a couple were
“I can do chocolate eggs, chocolate as “an innovative design philosophy” sitting on the window ledge. “I thought
rabbits or chocolate chicken” (it being and the rip-off price that goes with it. you were going to fix ‘em,” I said
near Easter) “but chocolate cats, Much of my cynicism now rubs off on sarcastically. Saturday Boy smirked,
mmm, not really that popular”. Not Saturday Boy, he was equally appalled “They are fixed. Totally fixed. I spread
wishing to lose face I started to bluff at the new offering and is adamant he Superglue on the ledge, they’re not
that cats are a traditional part of Easter won’t be getting one. In fact his view going anywhere”.
28 SGB SPORTS APRIL 2009
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