askthetherapist
Are You Settling for the
Wrong Relationship?
Q:
Dear Karen Kaye,
How do you know if a relationship is just going through a
difficult time, or if it is a difficult relationship?
– Melissa
A:
Dear Melissa, you have raised a best friend. Prioritize this list with the called difficult relationships.
a very thought-provoking top five, being sure you possess these Stand back and evaluate yourself
question. In my work with characteristics, and then use this list as and your relationship from a neutral
couples in both long and short-term your base for your standards for your standpoint. This will be most beneficial
relationships, I have come to at least partner. to your outcome. I am always amazed
two conclusions: In my sessions with clients, I take at how hard some people will work,
an extensive history regarding past even though their partner will not, and
1. People reveal who they really relationships, pointing out the patterns this can exist even before marriage.
are in the early stages of relationships, from each relationship and then com- Marrying someone rarely fixes the
but few people know how nor want to pare it with the present relationship. It relationship; many times the situation
read the signs. is easier to see the truth about yourself worsens.
2. Most people lack the tools or and who you choose in a relationship Difficult times will occur in every
skills to create a good relationship, when you are not in a relationship. relationship. How difficult times are
much less be able to “save” their rela- Oftentimes, individuals are too defen- handled by each person in the relation-
tionships (without help) once difficult sive and want this “one” to work, so ship will determine if it is a difficult
times hit. they aren’t objective enough to see for relationship or not.
Melissa, individuals cannot themselves. Friends and family will Many thanks.
choose to be in a relationship with an- have their own opinions and agendas Karen L Kaye L.M.H.C.
other in times of need, and yet few will as well.
admit when they are in need. So from As a point of reference, I have
the beginning of meeting a person, observed many women who are Karen Kaye is a Licensed Mental
one must know themselves and what in relationships of many years, but Health Counselor and a Family Thera-
they want, having learned from past when they bring up marriage, the pist in Private Practice for 23 years.
relationships. man changes the subject; and then Marriage and relationships are among
History does tend to repeat itself. there are those in relationships where her specialties. If you have any ques-
Make a list, based on your morals and things get difficult, and their partner tions and would like to speak with Kar-
values, of the top ten qualities that you blames them for what went wrong. en Kaye, phone her at 954.384.1217.
feel are most important when choosing These are examples of what might be See ad page 67.
52 Broward County
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