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Adam’s apple. His head is heavy out mamma, come see.” My lips are Oriana tugs at my arm again to go and
and I try to straighten it. His legs are trembling. My head moves in slow look at the snails. What is she thinking?
sliding on the floor and I can’t hold motion to look up at mother standing Does she know what just happened?
him anymore. I kneel to the floor, his in the doorway. “He’s gone mum. He’s Should I tell her? Does she need to
shoulders rest on my lap, and I hold his gone. Get a pillow.” I straighten his know? My mind can’t think. I let it float.
head, and I stroke his hair, and I touch body on the floor. I close his eyes and I let her lead me into the living room.
him, and his skin is rough, and his bones his mouth and adjust his head and I am in the space before birth, when
are hard, and I’m stroking his face, the smooth his hair. This isn’t happening. the edges of the body dissolve into the
face I have loved for so long, and looked Mother hands me a pillow from her bed void of oneness. Her voice seems like
upon so rarely, I am now touching. and I place it gently under his head. an echo in the distance. “Look mama.
I’m loving him. I’m really loving him and I fold his hands over his chest. And then, Dey got out!” The coffee table is
I’m telling him, “It’s Ok daddy, it’s Ok, not knowing what else to do, I follow covered in thin silvery streaks trailing
you can let go now. I’m here. I love you. the tug of my daughter’s insistent hand from the upturned empty jar.
I’ve always loved you. It’s OK.” And the and we step gingerly over his legs and I collapse into the soft, still warm seat of
love made liquid is pouring out of me into the hall. Dad’s armchair and hit the mute button
and I can’t stop it. And I don’t want to. I turn back to look at Dad. With his legs on the TV remote. Oriana, confused
And his mouth is open and I know he’s straightened, the door to the bathroom by my quiet indifference, leaves her
saying it too, but there’s only the rush won’t close. I am glad. To leave him snails to their wanderings and climbs
of air as his body heaves one last time lying on the floor alone in the cold toilet slowly onto my lap. She wraps her arms
and he slides from my lap, onto the cold doesn’t feel right. Somehow, with the around my neck, and presses her tiny
bathroom floor. door open, his laying there reminds cheek against mine. Together we watch
Oriana, still crouched under the sink, me of the knights laying in brass relief Princess Di comfort a starving African
wipes her tears. She climbs over Dad’s on the floor of the cathedrals. He looks child and listen to Mother’s soft sobs
body and takes my hand. “The nails proud and calm and peaceful. floating in from the kitchen.
avantoure | anthology of temptation
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