Being a non-binary therapist


within a binary therapy system Meg-John Barker


T is piece refl ects on non-binary gender from the


perspective of non-binary therapists. T e umbrella term non- binary (or sometimes NB, enby, or genderqueer), refers to people whose gender identity is something other than male or female. Under this umbrella sit, for example, people who don’t have a gender, whose gender is fl uid over time, who experience their gender as muted or partial, who have a further gender beyond male or female, who have multiple-gendered experiences, or who are between or beyond the cultural male/ female binary. In 2015, a trainee posted to an online LGBTQ+ therapy


group I was part of, asking for advice about navigating their non-binary gender on a placement, where clients were oſt en matched – by gender – with counsellors. I noticed there were another couple of non-binary therapists on the group, off ering guidance to this person. I also noticed some of the men and women present used the opportunity to express confusion about non-binary gender, meaning these non-binary therapists had to educate them. I suggested, given there were at least four of us non-binary folks there, it might be worth having a group of our own where we could off er each other support. Immediately, one of the men on the group expressed


disappointment that we would not continue to have these conversations where everybody else could learn from them. I felt an immediate anger bubbling up, wanting to lecture him on how LGBTQ+ groups are not free enough from misgendering and gender normativity to constitute safe-enough spaces for non-binary people, as evidenced by the emotional labour that many of us had been required to give to this conversation. I managed to breathe and instead to connect with him through my own past sadness at the need for groups to create ‘X-only’ spaces within communities I’ve been part of, knowing I was implicated in the sense of exclusion and marginalisation that members of those groups had experienced. I also went ahead and set up a non-binary therapist


Facebook group! We’re now up to over 30 members, mostly from the UK but also from other countries, and we’re having our fi rst in-person meet-up this autumn. For this article, I asked members of the group to refl ect on their experience of being a non-binary therapist. Most have used pseudonyms, while some have chosen to use their real names. If, reading my introduction, you were also frustrated by the need for a separate group, their answers should demonstrate why it is sadly still necessary, as well as inviting us all into an exploration of the steps that would be necessary to render it redundant in a truly gender-inclusive therapy system.


Training non-binary


T e majority of the non-binary therapists said there had been no mention of non-binary gender, or even trans identities


Context 155, February 2018


and experiences more widely, on their therapy training-courses, that gender was assumed to be binary when it was mentioned – particularly in relation to classic therapeutic theories, and that any at empt they had made to bring up gender diversity had been ‘squashed out’ or had leſt them feeling very unsafe. T om went on to explain they had leſt their training course


a year earlier than planned, with a lesser qualifi cation, because their experience of being out as genderqueer had been so poor and they “ just couldn’t face the micro-aggressions anymore”. T ey said, “In group process, it wasn’t managed at all, so if my identity came under fi re, I was leſt to defend myself … Each and every [time] I would talk about how being misgendered [referred to as the wrong gender] was hurtful, that I would appreciate people taking the risk and feeling awkward in order to ‘practise’ the correct gender, but this rarely happened”. Another therapist reported that slurs like ‘tranny’ were


used on their training course without being called out, and stereotypes of gender and sexually diverse folk were common. T ey said that, “T e at itude was perhaps summed up by a classmate who said that ‘ those’ sort of issues were not for counselling, and that people shouldn’t bring them to their sessions”. T ey concluded, “I am very good at wearing a mask, but, it felt like such a let down that I had to”. Imani’s training experience was similarly negative. T ey reported “being told by a senior training supervisor that I should remove my facial hair and wear less gender neutral/male clothing when working with children so I don’t confuse them!” and being advised to see a female therapist rather than a male one. Jos Twist, who refl ected on their experience as a genderqueer


trans man in a recent issue of Context (Twist, 2017), had a more positive experience of training, and was actually surprised by how well their cohort managed to understand genderqueer. However, they still spoke of assumptions some staff made about the gender makeup of the class, put ing students in the diffi cult situation of having to point out their error, or just accept it.


Practicing non-binary In relation to practicing as a non-binary therapist,


interestingly, problems overwhelmingly came from therapists and services, rather than from clients. One therapist summarised this well: “T e only prejudice and discrimination I’ve actually experienced has been f om other therapists holding on to cis-normative and heteronormative ideas of how counselling and counsellors should appear”. Imani refl ected on bullying experiences from qualifi ed


therapist colleagues, including the traumatic experience of them hunting down Imani’s birth name and using it to address them in a loud voice, as well as refusing to use ‘they’ pronouns and deliberately using female pronouns and words like ‘madam’ or ‘miss’ when they didn’t speak to anybody else in that way. Imani


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Being a non-binary therapist within a binary therapy system


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