EXPERT
is blaming the kitchen fitter and the client is blaming the architect. I ring the artisans to come down to site and head off to meet them, hoping to resolve the problem before the clients arrive. The tiler is vehement that he
has bedded the tile properly and that the kitchen fitter must have dropped the island cabinet on it. The kitchen fitter is adamant that he placed the cabinet carefully and the crack must be down to a hollow in the tile bed. The architect is crystal-clear that unless they can sort it between themselves right now they risk never getting another job out of me. Two minutes later the
kitchen fitter has offered to disassemble the island and reassemble it after the tiler has replaced the tile, and the tiler has said ça marche pour moi, that’s fine by me. It’s also fine for the architect and I head off back to the office. The journey back is past a
fleet of lorries poorly parked on the edge of Monpazier. They belong to a film production company so, in the interests of being really nosy, I pull over and walk into town. The entire central market square has been turned into a medieval film set. Gone are the tourist office, the hat shop and the supermarket, hidden behind plywood walls painted to look like stone and timber, and the entire square has been covered in mud, straw and (hopefully) fake cow pats. There’s a not-too-well-hidden
animosity between Monpazier and Villeréal and another local wag (OK it was me this time) says that the square has never looked lovelier. It seems the film crew are here for two weeks and are reimbursing the shopkeepers their entire turnover for the fortnight, so everyone is happy. They are also advertising for
extras at €100 a day to play old crones, toothless yokels and cocky street urchins. There are no vacancies for a debonair man-about-town so I shall not be applying.
WEDNESDAY As I unlock the office door first thing, a dark green vintage sports car screeches to a halt and who else tumbles out of the
Wedneday
Light-filled spaces at the stables conversion will be given sliding louvred shutters to mitigate solar gain
“There are no vacancies for a debonair man-about-town so I shall not be applying...”
passenger seat than Charlotte, my glamorous practice manager. She waves Byeeee! to the driver and positively flounces up the steps and in through the open door, leaving me gaping behind her like a freshly landed trout. The whole thing’s over in two seconds. I go in. “Who…?” I ask, “Don’t ask…” she interrupts. So I don’t. Instead, I return to site to see
if the tile has been relaid. It has, and the island is back in situ. Everything looks very neat. I do a tour of inspection, comparing the work not only to the plans d’exécution et descriptif, the detailed building plans and spec, but also to my original
concept sketches which I’ve dragged out of the archive. The clients had asked for
light-filled spaces, which we’ve achieved, and I’ve mitigated the resulting solar gain with purpose-made sliding louvred shutters: the blades of the louvres are set horizontally to maintain the view while keeping out the sun when it’s high. I’m particularly proud of this unique feature, and am sure it will work well. Charlotte is still there when
I get back and still not saying who was her driver, so I know something’s up. She tries to distract me by talking about the town council, suggesting
that a popular policy would be to actually declare war on Monpazier, at a single stroke deflecting attention from Villeréal’s dire finances and also giving the locals something to be cheerful about. I give this idea all the attention it deserves, i.e. about a microsecond.
THURSDAY A family panic means I have to urgently fly back to the UK, so I’m sat in the departure lounge at Toulouse chewing what’s left of my fingernails. This also means I shall miss the inaugural session of the conseil municipal, so by 11pm tomorrow night my attendance record will stand at 0%. Things can only get better. ■
Neil Vesma’s architect practice is at Villeréal near Bergerac Tel: 0033 (0)6 75 84 71 76
neilvesma.com
FRENCH PROPERTY NEWS: September/October 2023 77
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