Mothering: Single, but Not Alone


by Mica Devon Four years ago this month (May), I became a single mom.


Let me give you some background so you understand where I am coming from. I chose to marry a man who was not a believer. He was a Muslim from Libya. I was a believer, but my decision was fostered by the draw of being loved by a man and having a family. I also struggled with understanding that love and obedience go hand-in-hand, and so obedience was something foreign to me when it came to God’s word. Aſter five years of marriage, my hus- band decided he no longer wanted to be married to me. He leſt me with a baby, no money, and no job. And thus began the walk of my true relationship with God.


God took me on a trust journey. In that first year of being a


single mom, I had no idea how anything would work out. It took me nine months to find a job, a job that God told me to wait for. Tis job has offered me great flexibility and continually provides for our needs. When the money was running out, God found me an affordable place to live. Every time I have needed child care, God has provided people or places where my son is safe and loved. When I can’t see how good I am doing, God shows me abundant grace and mercy.


Trough this journey I have definitely had friends — espe-


cially in church — who have encouraged me. Tey have prayed for me; they have helped me with my son; they have given advice when I have needed wisdom; they have helped me find a job; they have provided a home where we live; they have provided clothing for my son; they have provided boxes of food when we didn’t have a lot of money; and they have done things that I have probably not even been aware of.


However, many times I’ve also felt discouraged and lonely


within the church. I’ve had a messy life, and I oſten feel like people are unable or not willing to connect. In addition, it is hard as a single woman/mom to be a part of things at church as things are geared more to families when you have children. Some people don’t understand the difficulty of trying to attend events with no


child care or they don’t understand why you can’t take another evening out of your busy schedule. Tey also can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to sit through a whole event listening about marriage.


My journey has been a challenge. Tis wasn’t the kind of


mother I had hoped to be. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be available and involved. I wanted my son to have an easier life than I had. I didn’t want him to have to deal with being at child care all day. I didn’t want someone else to mother my child. Tis brought me a lot of sadness and kept me from the joy of being a mother. I had to learn that I was the mother that God had chosen for my son. I had to embrace the mother that I am and embrace the hours that I do have with my son. I also had to learn that it is selfish to think I should be the only one who has a part in shaping him for the future. Most of all, our situation helps me to point my son to God and encourage him that his Heavenly Father is always there even when mom can’t be.


I’ve also had to adjust to the reality that I am not able to do


everything I want to do. Dishes don’t always get done every night; laundry stays on the couch too long; errands may take longer to get done. I’ve learned to be okay with a certain amount of messi- ness; it is most important to value the hours that I have with my son. And when things need to get done, we do them together.


Ministering to others is not easy when you are a single mom,


but it is vital to always be a part of what God is doing. I have learned that there is always something I can do. For one, I have served in some capacity wherever my son is. When he was in the nursery, I was in the nursery. Now he is in children’s church, so I serve in children’s church. With limited time, I have tried to see what other resources I have as far as giving. I felt a conviction a while back that my son’s clothes and shoes were something I could pass on to people in need. Te last way I have ministered


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Ministering to others is not easy when you are a single mom, but it is vital to always be a part of what God is doing.


Fellowship Focus, May/June 2020 7


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